


Could Be Chiller

by Mercy_Rhyne



Category: Sanders Sides
Genre: Inspired by Be More Chill, Roman is an angry bean, The SQUIP is a dick, They all deserve better, except for the Squip, set in the bmc universe obviously
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-03-07 07:47:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 39,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13430175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mercy_Rhyne/pseuds/Mercy_Rhyne
Summary: After having heard about a "Squip", a pill that's supposed to make him cooler, Thomas decides to try it out. What could go wrong, right?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: A bit of swearing and a bit of pain. I think that's it?
> 
> Notes: This fic is inspired by the musical Be More Chill. You don't have to know the musical to be able to follow it, as the story is original. You should probably know what a Squip is, though. So, a Squip is a small quantum computer in a pill. One is supposed to take a pill and this will help them become cooler. Or so they say.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Joan asked their friend as he sat down on the couch, looking at the grey pill in his hand. “You don’t know what it could do to you.”

“Yeah, I don’t trust it,” Talyn joined in. “I mean… it’s gotta be a scam, right? A pill that can make you cool? Who would come up with that?”

“No, I’m doing it,” Thomas nodded confidently as his hand closed in around the pill. He looked up to meet his friends’ eyes. “I paid five hundred dollars for this thing, I need to try it.”

The boy got up, pushing past his two friends to head to the kitchen, making sure to not drop the grey thing in his hand. 

“You do have Mountain Dew, right?” 

“We do,” Joan replied as they stepped closer to the kitchen, keeping a close eye on Thomas. “That’s why we’re here, right?”

Thomas didn’t reply as he scanned the small kitchen for the drink. Joan and Talyn shared an exasperated look. Ever since Thomas had told them about this pill that would make him popular – a Squip, he called it – they had been trying to take his mind off of it. Neither of them believed it would actually work. But Thomas was adamant, even when he heard he had to pay five hundred dollars for just a tiny pill. He would become popular, one way or another.

“Got it!” Thomas exclaimed, holding up the bottle of Mountain Dew as if it was some big award. He quickly opened the bottle and placed the pill in his mouth, just before taking a sip of the soda.

Then he just waited for a few moments. 

“Well?” Joan asked impatiently. “Feeling cool already?”

“No…” Thomas replied, after a few moment of silence. “Not really. I think I just wasted five hundred bucks.”  
“Told you,” Talyn said with a victorious smile, “you shouldn’t have bought it.”

“Yeah, you’re-” Thomas was cut off by a faint, robotic voice.

“Calibration in process. Please excuse some mild discomfort.”

After those words, pain seemed to course through his body. It stung in his veins and his bones. Thomas groaned as he stumbled forwards, holding on to the kitchen counter to prevent himself from falling over.

Joan and Talyn immediately shot forward, supporting Thomas. Both of them feared it was something to do with the pill. It could contain anything, they didn’t know what was in there. It could have been poison for all they knew!

“Thomas?” Joan asked as they turned their friend’s head towards them. His eyes were rolled back, showing only the white sclera. “Fuck.”

“Thomas are you alright?” Talyn questioned. 

But no answer. Thomas barely heard their voices over the thoughts and electronic beeps in his head. He barely noticed he had gone limp in his friends’ arms.

Until a few moments later. Thomas seemed to come back to life as he stood on his own feet again.

“Oh, well… thanks, I guess,” he said awkwardly, “I… I don’t-”

“Discomfort level may increase,” the robotic voice announced. And boy, did it increase. It felt as if his entire body was on fire. His nerves were burning and his brain seemed to be slowly torn apart. He let out a loud yell as he fell to the floor, his hands reaching up to pull at his hair. Anything to make the pain in his head stop. Oh please, let it stop.

“Accessing: neural memory. Accessing: muscle memory. Access procedure: complete.” The voice fell silent and as the pain faded away, it was quickly replaced by a voice that was all too familiar. 

“Thomas Sanders,” it spoke, “welcome to your Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor. Your Squip.”

* * *

With a hand supporting his head, Roman entered the common rooms. He had just been minding his own business in his own room, when he was disturbed by an immense pain that seemed to be eating him from inside. He had already checked with Thomas, but he had not been able to find the source. So he went to the common rooms, hoping he could meet with at least one of the other sides so he could ask them where the pain came from. 

When he stepped into the common rooms, he could hear a voice that he had never heard before in the mindscape. Yet he would recognize that voice anywhere. This couldn’t be right. 

Carefully, he stepped closer until he could see where the voice was coming from. He immediately recognized the man in front of him, surrounded by a vague aura of blue. _This could not be right._

“Lin-Manuel Miranda?” the prince muttered under his breath. “What is he doing here?” 

Roman hadn’t intended for the man to hear him, but he did. He turned to Roman and smiled at the side. His smile wasn’t right, Roman noted. It was too friendly. It was the smile a villain smiled if they wanted the hero to trust them. This could not be right.

“I hope you understand I am not _really_ Lin-Manuel Miranda,” the… _being_ replied. “I’m a Squip, I’m here-” 

“Don’t try to trick me,” Roman interrupted with a chuckle. “I know what a squid looks like and you look nothing like one.”

“I didn’t say squid,” the other said slowly, like it was explaining it to a toddler. “I said Squip. With a P.”

“And what the hell is a Squip? It sounds made-up.” Roman crossed his arms as he studied the ‘Squip’ in front of him. It looked exactly like Lin-Manuel Miranda, it even sounded like him. It was creepy, in a way. To have someone look so much like the man. It was unsettling. It wasn't right.

“I’m here to help Thomas be more chill.”

“Excuse me, what?” Roman had to try his best not to laugh at the Squip’s language. “Who even says ‘chill’ anymore?”

“I do. Obviously.” With those three words, the Squip turned away to focus his attention on Thomas again. Roman scoffed at the computer and turned around, only to see Patton standing behind him, eyeing the Squip. 

“Roman, what exactly is going on?” Patton asked carefully as he stepped closer. “And who is that?”

Roman sighed and explained the whole situation. The Squip had already disappeared again, off to do God knows what. 

“I don’t trust it,” Roman announced as he finished his story. “Something if wrong with all of this. I don’t think we should trust it.”

“Well, we should at least give it a chance, right?” Patton asked as he sat down on the couch. 

“But we don’t know what it will do to Thomas,” the prince countered, following the other side.

“Exactly! That’s why we should give it a chance,” Patton tried. “Let’s wait a few days, okay? Maybe… maybe it won’t be as bad as you think it is. Maybe it will help Thomas!” 

Roman turned to Patton. He had a hopeful smile on his face as he looked up at the prince. He had always been the most optimistic and trusting of the four sides. And usually, Roman was there with him. But he didn’t like how this _Squip_ came in, looking all handsome and Lin-Manuel Miranda-like. He didn’t like its tone and its smile had seemed too fake to be genuine. 

But maybe Patton was right. Maybe it wouldn’t be too bad. Patton _was_ right, he shouldn’t be so quick to judge. He’d wait just a day or two, to see how it would all turn out. Maybe this Squip could actually be good.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: mentions of anxiety, a few small fights, some swearing

Immediately after that first day, Roman had given up all hope. The Squip had made Thomas buy some new clothes to start with, so he would be able to build a new reputation at school – apparently the shirts he already owned were too lame for the computer. Thomas had quickly left Joan’s house, hardly explaining to his friends _why_ he left. 

The shirts Thomas bought were all dark and some had some pretty controversial prints, it was nothing like the boy’s usual style. But apparently, that is what it’d take to become ‘popular’. 

  


Later that night, when Thomas was already asleep, Roman called the other three sides to his room – he hoped that the Squip would stick to the common rooms so they could discuss this issue in peace. He was already done with this whole situation and he hoped that he could quickly talk about the matter with the other sides. 

“Remind me again, _why_ aren’t we allowed to sleep?” Virgil muttered as he lay down on the floor, his legs resting on the couch. Patton sat down on the couch, next to Virgil’s legs, while Roman and Logan remained where they stood. 

“Because I don’t like this whole Squip situation,” Roman said, irritation evident in his voice. “I just don’t think we should trust him- it… _that_.”

“Are you still going on about this?” Patton asked. “Roman, we talked about this! We’d wait for a bit before deciding about it, remember?”

“Yes, I do,” Roman answered, pacing through the room, “I do remember that. And I waited for a bit. I don’t think this is good news.”

“Well, why-”

“Have you even been paying attention to what has been happening?” Roman asked. “Have you not seen how Thomas has acted since he got this Squip? That is not like him.” 

“Maybe it’s just… getting used to everything,” Patton tried, “please, just look at what will happen tomorrow, okay? Maybe tomorrow will be better.”

“I don’t know, Patton,” Virgil jumped in, “I have to agree with Prince Semi-Charming over here. I don’t trust this. But then again… I might not be the right person to ask about this.” With those words, the anxious side placed his hands underneath his head and listened to what the other would say. 

“Well… what do you think, Logan?” Patton asked, hoping to get some support from the logical trait. 

“I am not sure,” Logan replied, looking at the other three sides in the room. “I have never heard of something like a Squip before, which would trigger my suspicions, but I do think Patton is right. We know nothing of this situation and first looks might be deceiving. I think it would be best for us if we gave the Squip one more day to prove itself before drawing any conclusions that might be incorrect.”

“Okay, fine,” Roman sighed, “let’s see what happens tomorrow and then… we can talk again, maybe.” 

After a brief discussion, the three sides returned to their own rooms to sleep and prepare for the next day. 

Early that next morning, Roman entered the common rooms, just to check on the ‘Squip’ and to see how it was doing. He stood there in silence for a few moments, as he watched how the computer told Thomas what to wear and how to act. Roman didn’t want to admit it, but the black jacket and dark red shirt it had picked out for Thomas made him look cool. _Gorgeous_ , even. The colours looked amazing on him and the red brought out his eyes amazingly. But he was not going to admit that to the Squip’s face. 

“Are you actually going to make him wear that?” Roman queried as he took a few steps closer to the screen. Of course, he was not going to admit to the Squip that he liked the outfit it had picked out for Thomas. He still did not trust the computer. One good fashion choice would not be enough to undo that. It would have to do more than just that. 

“Is there anything wrong with it then?” For one moment, Lin-Manuel Miranda’s voice caught Roman off guard. He had forgotten the Squip did that. The prince cleared his throat to focus himself again and quickly replied: 

“Have you even looked at it?” Of course there was nothing wrong with that stupid outfit. It was fucking perfect! It looked amazing on Thomas and it wasn’t even too far out of his comfort zone. The boy looked gorgeous and it frustrated Roman. If the Squip was supposed to be the antagonist here, why did it have such an amazing sense of fashion?

“And what exactly is it?” the Squip inquired as it turned to the creative side, who looked up at him. He had already forgotten that the computer looked _exactly_ like Lin-Manuel Miranda. Of all people, why did it have to assume the appearance of _Lin-Manuel Miranda_? The Squip chuckled softly as it looked at Roman’s distracted face. After a few moments, however, the latter regained his posture and cleared his throat once more. 

“It doesn’t look good on him,” Roman lied quickly, looking away from the man- _computer_ in front of him. “It makes him look… it doesn’t suit him.” 

The Squip hummed in reply before it turned back to the screen to find Thomas had made his way downstairs already. Reasoning the boy could eat his breakfast without a supercomputer guiding his every move, it turned back to the creative side. 

“Are you sure?” it inquired, a slight smirk playing on its lips. “Don’t you think this outfit brings out his eyes _amazingly_?” 

Roman froze at those words. It was exactly how he had phrased the thought in his head. But surely… that was a coincidence. He narrowed his eyes as the being in front of him and simply responded:  
“I didn’t see it.”

The Squip let out a low hum again and turned its head away from the prince. Roman waited for a reply, but it never came. With an annoyed huff, he turned around and he made his way out of the room. But one sentence, barely audible, made him stop dead in his tracks.

“Oh, and I’m flattered you like my fashion sense, Roman.” 

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” He took a few steps closer again, his brows furrowed in confusion. Roman was pretty sure he had kept that one thought to himself, and there was no way this Squip could have known about that. Unless he was mistaken and he had said it out loud. But… that could not have been the case, right? Or… what if- what if the Squip could read his mind? But surely, that could not be true. This was the real world, not some dreamscape where anything could happen. Right?

“I think you heard me.”

“How did you-” Roman cut himself off. How would he end the sentence? ‘How did you know?’ ‘How did you hear?’ 

No. None of those options seemed good enough. He feared that just maybe, he _had_ said this sentence aloud without realising it. And if this really was the case, he’d look a fool in front of this device. And he would not have that happen. He was too proud. 

“I would explain it to you,” the Squip started off with a corner of its mouth pulled up in an arrogant smirk. “But I fear you would not understand this.”

“Excuse me?” Roman asked, his eyebrows shooting up. Was that an _insult_? Did this little Lin-Manuel-faced _thing_ actually think it could offend him? Roman knew he wasn’t the smartest one around, but surely, he would be able to at least try to understand it. 

But the smirk on the Squip’s face gave everything away. Roman growled and turned around. He decided to not give it anymore attention than this. He wouldn’t allow it the pleasure. So, the fuming prince sank down to his own room, leaving the supercomputer alone in the common rooms. 

* * *

“Straighten your back,” the Squip instructed as Thomas made his way to his school. The boy chuckled to himself as he thought of his reply:

_“How do I do that if I can’t even straighten myself?”_

“And stop the gay jokes,” the computer added before Thomas had even finished his thought. “I understand you’re gay, but making these jokes won’t make people like you.”

_“I can’t really do that,”_ Thomas replied, looking at his feet as he continued to walk on. _“I’m the biggest gay joke of all. I can’t just stop it.”_

“Well, stop it anyways.” After those words, a sharp pain shot through Thomas’ body, starting at his spine, but quickly spreading through his entire body. The boy gasped as he stumbled to a halt. One hand shot up to reach out for his back. 

_“What the heck was that?”_ Thomas thought as he got up straight again. 

“You were looking at the ground,” the Squip explained, as if it was the most logical thing on Earth. 

_“Did that give you the right to do… whatever_ that _was?”_ Thomas walked on, putting his hands in his pockets. 

“I merely shocked you. Take your hands out of your pockets and straighten your shoulders- don’t make a gay joke.”

_“Aw, come on, can’t I even_ think _it?”_

“You can’t even think of making it,” the Squip expanded. Thomas sighed as he looked at his feet again, immediately realising his mistake and lifting his head before the Squip could even make a comment. This was going to be difficult, he realised. 

Not much later, Thomas arrived at his school. He held his head up high – as the Squip instructed him to do – and didn’t meet anyone’s gaze as he made his way through the crowded hallways. He noticed people followed him with their eyes as he passed. This sudden attention made him uncomfortable and all he wanted to do, was to run to the nearest bathroom and hide until their interest faded away. But his Squip stopped him from doing so. 

Eventually, Thomas approached his two friends. They were stood next to Joan’s locker; their arms were wrapped around one another as they were discussing some secret subject together. Thomas wanted to make his way over to them, but his Squip stopped him from doing this as well. 

“Don’t,” it ordered curtly. “Don’t look at them. Make your way to your locker.”

_“What?”_ Thomas protested, stopping dead in his tracks. _“But they’re my friends. I can’t just pass them!”_

“You have to. Walk to your locker immediately.” Thomas sighed but eventually did what the Squip told him, not looking back at his two best friends as he made his way to his locker.  

* * *

Patton popped up in the common rooms. He had been watching the scene from his own room and was eagerly waiting to talk to Joan and Talyn again. Being Thomas’ heart, he loved his interactions with friends more than any other side and he nearly depended on this stability. He had gotten used to talking to the two every morning and today… today Thomas _passed_ him. No big deal, he had decided. Maybe the Squip did not know they were his friends, maybe it wasn’t aware of the fact that they usually met up at Joan’s locker to talk. He just had to make this clear to the computer and maybe it would be fine from then on. 

So the moral side entered the living room to see the Squip where it usually stood, watching Thomas’ every move. 

“Hey… there,” he greeted hesitantly as he took a few small steps closer. “Okay you might not know this but… Thomas usually talks to Talyn and Joan when he sees them. Or he at least greets them… they… they’re his friends-“

“Oh, I have full access to his memories,” the Squip answered simply. It did not once take its eyes off the screen in front of him and honestly, Patton thought this was quite rude. But he didn’t mention it. “I am aware of that.”

“Then… why’d you pass them?” Patton asked. It did not make sense. If the Squip knew that Joan and Talyn were his friends, why did it make Thomas ignore them? 

“If we want to make Thomas more popular, he can’t be seen with Joan and Talyn. They hold him back.” The moral trait looked at the computer in front of him for a few seconds. It had said ‘we’. ‘If _we_ want to make Thomas more popular’, while it was clearly its own goal to achieve this. Neither of the sides had set this goal for himself. All they had to do, was to make sure Thomas was alive and happy, a functioning human being. Patton felt a wave of pain rippling through his body as Thomas walked away from Joan and Talyn, and this brought him back to reality and the point he was trying to prove. 

“But they’re his friends!” he yelled at the supercomputer in front of him.

“They’re not cool enough!” Even though it hadn’t turned around, Patton could notice from its stance that the Squip was getting fed up by their exchange. But Patton hadn’t been satisfied yet and he wasn’t planning on stopping just yet.

“Of course they’re cool!” he tried. He knew they weren’t cool according to the school’s standards, but that didn’t mean they weren’t cool, right? “They’re cool in… in their own way.”

“But we don’t need ‘cool in their own way’,” the Squip retorted, a hint of mockery present in its robotic voice. “We need 'objectively cool’. Anything other than that isn’t good enough.”

“But Joan and Talyn have been his friends for more than ten years,” Patton tried. 

“That might be true, but that doesn’t change anything about the situation,” the Squip told the side as it watched the screen, muttering some instructions to the boy. Without even looking in the direction of Joan and Talyn, Thomas walked towards his classroom. 

* * *

 Thomas looked around the cafeteria and spotted Joan’s orange beanie in the crowd. He was going to make his way to his two friends, but his Squip stopped him just in time. 

“Don’t go there,” it told him, “there’s an empty table on the other side of the cafeteria, you should take a seat there.”

_“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”_ Thomas thought at his Squip as he moved in the direction of said table. ****

“Just do it,” the computer replied. Thomas nodded and did as he was told. He sat down at the empty table and took a sip of his drink, an uncomfortable feeling rising in his stomach.  

* * *

“Wait, he is alone?” Virgil questioned, as he looked at the screen in front of him. “Why is he alone? Joan and Talyn are right there!”

“They aren’t popular enough,” the Squip replied, not looking at the side next to him, “if he keeps hanging out with them, he won’t ever be more popular.”

“Who the hell cares about popular?” Virgil asked as he felt his chest tightening with anxiety. Crap. 

“Clearly Thomas does,” the Squip deadpanned. 

“Fuck popularity,” Virgil started softly, “let’s just get o-” he was interrupted by a sharp pain that ran through his entire body. The shock travelled down his spine, to his fingers, his toes, his entire body.

“What the hell?” He screamed as he stepped back from the screen, looking at the silhouette of the Squip with contempt. “Did you just _shock_ me?”

It took the anxious side all of his energy to get that one sentence out of his mouth. He was already feeling anxious that day, especially because of all the changes the Squip had forced onto them. And the shock only made his anxiety skyrocket. But he needed to know. Had it actually just _shocked_ him? 

“You were panicking Thomas,” the Squip said monotonously, “so I had to block you out.”

“You _blocked me out_?” Virgil yelled as he took a careful step closer to the Squip, who was focussing all its attention on Thomas, his surroundings and possible future events. “What the _fuck_?”

“Thomas would have had a panic attack if I hadn’t done anything. That would have been a disaster for his reputation.”

It was like all that mattered to the Squip was Thomas’ reputation. And it wouldn’t stop bothering Virgil. There was more to life than reputation and popularity, yet all the Squip focussed on, was ways to get Thomas popular quickly. 

“That’s not my fault,” he defended indignantly, “I’m not the one who has been making these drastic changes to Thomas’ life. It’s not like I can _help_ what I’m feeling.”

“I know,” the Squip nodded. “That’s why I had to block you out.” 

Virgil scoffed and took a few steps back again. If he really was blocked out, Thomas would not be able to listen to him anymore. He would not feel fear anymore for as long as he was out. 

“Fine. How long until I’m back again?”

“When you’ve calmed down.”

With a nod, Virgil turned away from the screen as he went back to his own room to calm himself down. The Squip was bad news. This encounter had practically proven that point. It did not care about Thomas’ feelings or emotions. They were all inferior to its primary objective. Anyone in their right mind would have the common sense to think twice before tuning out important facets of one’s personality, yet this Squip didn’t even hesitate. This was bad news.   

* * *

Thomas felt a dull sting in the back of his head and as he noticed this, the boy felt his anxiety fading away. 

“Hey you,” a voice called out to Thomas, “mind if I sit here?”

Thomas turned his head to be met with the smiling face of Allen Cooney, the boy who had sold him his Squip. He was one of the most popular guys of his year. 

“Nod and look away,” the Squip instructed. Thomas did as he was told and focussed on his food. Allen smiled and sat down opposite the shorter boy. 

“So, how do you like it?” Allen asked after a few moments of silence. He leaned forward ever so slightly, as if it was a secret no one else could ever find out about. 

“I haven’t really had the time to form an opinion of it yet,” Thomas replied softly, realising the Squip would not help him out on this. “But it seems alright.”

“Trust me when I say that it’s the best thing to ever happen to you,” Allen grinned, running a hand through his ash blonde locks. Thomas nodded as he rested his arms on the table. 

“Up-up-down-down-left-right-A.” The kid heard Lin-Manuel Miranda’s voice say. He frowned and intended to ask his Squip about it, but was stopped by the voice of Allen. 

“Guy, Will and I were going to go out to the game tonight. You should come, too.” Thomas looked at the boy and hesitated. Sure, he would love to go out with those guys, get to know them and become acquainted with them, but he wasn’t sure if he should agree. He was scared something would go wrong, or maybe they wouldn’t like him. 

“I don’t kn-”

“Say yes,” the Squip interrupted quickly. 

“I mean… yeah sure!” Thomas said, faking a smile. Allen’s smile only grew wider as he got out his phone and suggested to exchange numbers, so they could talk later. 

“We’re all bringing dates, by the way, I could probably set you up with someone.”

“Accept it,” the Squip ordered curtly. Thomas didn’t even try to fight the Squip’s instruction, but instead, he immediately complied. Allen grinned as he quickly typed out a few texts to someone. 

“Okay, I’ve set you up with Aliyana,” he notified as he placed his phone on the table. 

“Aliyana Carwyn?”

“Do you know any other girls named Aliyana?”

That he did not. Aliyana Carwyn was one of the most popular – and quite objectively: one of the prettiest – girls of their year. Thomas had never talked to her, as she would never even look at him, but he knew she was gorgeous. Thomas wasn’t someone to judge someone by their appearance, but… that was all he had to judge. He was just shocked that _Aliyana_ , of all people, had agreed to go out with him. 

But then Thomas realised something. 

It wasn’t meant to be a friend-thing tonight. He knew Allen was expecting him to go on a _date_ with the girl. Thomas Sanders, the gayest student to ever walk through the doors of Gainesville High, was supposed to go on a date. Was this really-

“Stop your overthinking and accept already,” the Squip groaned. Thomas mentally rolled his eyes at the supercomputer and did as he was told. Then, the two guys grew silent.

But not much later, Will and Guy, Allen’s best friends, joined the two boys, laughing about a story Will had told. 

“Who’s this?” Guy asked as he sat down next to Allen, his blue eyes scanning Thomas, making him shift uncomfortably. 

“Sit still,” the Squip ordered briskly. “Allen will introduce you, wave nonchalantly when he does. Don’t say anything.”

“This is Thomas,” Allen introduced him, “he’s a friend of mine. He’s joining us tonight.” Thomas nodded and did as his Squip told him. The two other guys quickly mentioned their own name before telling Allen about something that happened the night before. Meanwhile, Thomas drifted off, thinking about literally anything else. 

“Show more interest,” the Squip ordered. “Look in their direction and laugh as they do.”

_“But I don’t know what they’re talking about,”_ Thomas protested to the computer.

“They don’t know that. So pretend like you do know what they are talking about.” Thomas mentally rolled his eyes, but still complied. He leaned forward a little bit and nodded his head every once in a while, pretending like he completely followed their conversation.  

Sometimes, one of the guys would turn to Thomas to ask him something, to which the latter would answer whatever his Squip told him to. And when their break was over, they actually seemed to _like_ him. It was only just a start, but it was better than anything he could have hoped for. 

“Should I do make-up?” Thomas wondered softly as he looked at himself in the mirror. He was wearing the same jacket he had worn earlier that day, matched by other clothes and accessories. Allen would pick him up in a few to go to the game. 

“No.” The Squip’s answer was clear. “You might as well write _loser_ on your forehead in permanent marker. You do not want to wear any make-up with these guys around. In fact, I don’t think you should wear make-up in any situation.”

_“Aw, really?”_

“Really.” Thomas sighed and turned away from the mirror. He ran his hands through his hair, until a shock running through his body stopped him. It was one of his many nervous habits the Squip was trying to break. It was having a hard time doing so, so it had decided to shock Thomas every time he did _anything_ remotely nervous. The boy wished it didn’t do that, but… it was for the better… right? He paced through his room as he waited for Allen to text that he was on his way. Thomas knew the Squip had told him not to pace this much because it made him look like a nervous wreck – which he was, honestly – but he didn’t care. It wasn’t like there was anyone there to witness his pacing. Thomas heard his phone buzzing and he practically flung himself at the device. With a pang in his heart, Thomas noticed the unread texts Joan and Talyn had sent him over the day. He would open them, but he could _feel_ the Squip’s disapproving gaze burning. So he took a deep breath and opened Allen’s message. He had picked up Guy and Will and he would be in front of Thomas’ house in about ten minutes. Great. That gave him ten more minutes to mentally prepare himself for the game. He typed out a quick response, guided by the Squip, before he put his phone away again. Ten more minutes. 

Ten minutes later, a car stopped in front of the house. Thomas yelled to his parents that he was leaving and didn’t wait for their response before he walked outside. He got in the back of the car, next to Will and greeted the boys, following the Squip’s every command. Allen told him that they would be meeting the girls at the game. Thomas nodded and looked outside, ignoring the Squip’s calls. Until another shock ran through his body, making him turn to the other three males in the car, listening to their discussion about the game of that night. Thomas, who knew nothing about football, couldn’t follow their conversation at all, but he didn’t let them know. He just nodded and when they asked him something, he’d rely on his Squip for a proper reply. He was happy to get out of the car, though. The four boys walked towards the football field, where they saw four girls already waiting for them, chatting to one another. Thomas saw Aliyana there, waiting for him. The black dress she wore was… revealing, to say the least. But it looked good on her, Thomas couldn’t lie about that. She looked gorgeous. Honestly gorgeous. 

“Tell her she looks sexy,” the Squip instructed. For a few moments, Thomas thought of protesting, but he quickly gave up on that. The computer wanted him to say it for a reason, and… it was easy to see that ‘sexy’ was exactly what the girl was trying to achieve. 

“Aliyana,” Thomas greeted the slightly taller blonde as he approached her. “You look sexy tonight.”

Did he say that right? It sounded creepy, didn’t it? It was weird, wasn’t it? It sounded foreign to hear those words coming from his own mouth. It wasn’t right. Oh God, Aliyana would hate him and he’d ruined his chance at becoming popular and no one would ever like him and-

“Stop your worrying,” the Squip groaned. Thomas felt a dull pain in the back of his head again, but paid no attention to it. Instead, he focussed on the girl in front of him. She smiled at him – he smile was actually friendly, not a forced smile, like he’d have expected – and thanked Thomas. 

“You don’t look too bad yourself,” Aliyana complimented as she followed the three dudes and their dates. “Thomas, right?”

“That’s me.”

“Allen told me about you,” she explained, “you sound… great. How come I never noticed you before?”

“I guess you’ve just been looking in the wrong direction all the time,” Thomas responded with an uncharacteristic smirk. 

“I guess so,” Aliyana nodded with a smile as she sat down next to Will’s girlfriend. Thomas took a seat next to her and turned to the girl next to him. She started to talk more about herself, having decided that she wanted to know more about the stranger next to her as well. For the entire duration of the game, the two hardly noticed anything other than their conversation. Every so often they’d clap when the people around them cheered, only to return to their talk again. Every word Thomas uttered that evening had been carefully picked out by his Squip and every smile, every move was monitored by the supercomputer. By the end of the night, the two had exchanged their numbers and promised to meet each other again soon.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Slight swearing, arguements, panic attack, self-doubt

 A week had passed. The sides had made it a habit to avoid the common rooms as much as they could, because that’s where the Squip would linger. Logan was the only one who still had to form a solid opinion on the computer. Sure, he saw the issues it caused and how it changed Thomas, but like any scientist, he needed more data before drawing a conclusion. And deep down, he was intrigued by the supercomputer. It was a _supercomputer_ , after all. And not just any supercomputer. It had implanted in Thomas’ brain without any lethal or harmfulcomplications, it worked autonomously and independently,and it seemed to have an entire mind of its own, which enabled it to analyse the situation and choose the best options. This technology was so advanced… it was incredible. Of course, he would never admit this to the other sides: they had all drawn their own conclusions and they would kill him if he told them what he _actually_ thought of the Squip. The computer had never seemed to be of any trouble for him, not directly, at least.  

* * *

It was their first block and Thomas immediately started with a math test. A test which he hadn’t prepared for. At all. His Squip had told him to focus on other things. Things that weren’t math. Things that were _cool_. And this lack of preparation made the teen quite anxious. No matter how much his Squip told him to relax, he didn’t relax. He was too stressed. 

The Squip told him to take a seat and just let it do its job. Thomas did as he was told, though a feeling of anxiety lingered in the back of his mind. 

With a sigh, Thomas turned to the questions on the page before him and read the first question.

_Barbara invited five friends over to her home. All her friends liked her new calculator and wanted to borrow it._

_After everyone left, Barbara realized she needed the calculator to finish her homework. She could not remember to whom she had loaned it. She remembered the following:_

-        _She last saw the calculator at 6:40 P.M._

-        _Miguel left 15 minutes after Tom._

-        _Tom left 30 minutes before Kendra._

-        _Kendra left 5 minutes after Srey._

-        _Dan left 25 minutes before Miguel._

-        _The last person left at 7:00 P.M._

_• List the order and times in which people left._

_• Whom should Barbara call, based on your analysis of the information?_

_Support your answer using words, numbers, and/or diagrams._

* * *

 Logan looked at the problem on Thomas’ page and fell silent as he quickly made all calculations possible, not paying attention to the supercomputer next to him. It seemed to be waiting for Logan to come to a conclusion himself, and this unsettled the logical side. But eventually, Logan had finished his calculations.

“Srey is the last one to leave, which means they leave at seven. Kendra left five minutes earlier, which is six fifty-five. Tom left thirty minutes earlier, so six twenty-five. Miguel left fifteen minutes after Tom, at six forty. Dan left twenty-five minutes before Miguel, so at six fifteen,” he said quickly. “Barbara saw the calculator at six forty, but after that it went missing. Therefore, she should check with Kendra and Srey, as neither of the others could have taken it home.”

Thomas already started writing, but he was stopped by the monotonous voice of the Squip. 

“That’s wrong.” 

“Excuse me?” Logan asked, turning to the supercomputer next to him. “I’m pretty sure that I-”

“Kendra left _after_ Srey, not before,” it explained coldly. “That means that _Kendra_ left at seven PM and Srey five minutes earlier. Everyone else left five minutes later. That means that Miguel did not leave at six forty, but six forty- _five_ , five minutes after Barbara last saw the calculator, so she should call them as well.”

“You…” Logan started as he quickly made the calculation, looking at the question on the page. “You’re right.” 

The Squip smirked as Thomas wrote down the correct answer. Logan cleared his throat and continued to give Thomas the answers to the questions on the sheet in front of him. However, every so often, he’d make a small mistake. It would rarely be a major mistake, but a mistake nonetheless. And if he did make a mistake, the Squip would correct him. It would tell Logan what he had done wrong. And it would smirk at him. As time progressed, Logan’s responses would grow softer and more insecure. And he _hated_ it. The Squip made him doubt his own competence. Of course, he knew he was smart. He was the smartest of the sides and he was definitely smarter than most, but he couldn’t compete with a _supercomputer_. Logan knew this. The Squip was a supercomputer with access to the internet. Of course it would know things Logan could never know about. But it still made him feel insecure to stand next to the Squip. None of the other sides had ever corrected him. He was usually the one who would correct them. And to be on the other side of this… it felt bad to Logan. He was supposed to be the smarter one. This wasn’t supposed to be like this. 

Logan remained in the common rooms until the test had ended. Of course, he had wanted to sink out and retreat to his own room as soon as the Squip started correcting him. But he was too proud. He would not- he _could_ not leave until the test was done. He would not let the Squip even suspect that he felt insecure next to the computer. So, no matter how much it hurt himself, he remained there until the end of the test. But when the test did finally end, Logan rushed to get out of there, muttering some excuses as he sunk out to his own room. 

  


This wasn’t good. Nothing about this entire situation was good. Thomas had abandoned Joan and Talyn and replaced them with Allen and his friends. He didn’t even look at them and he was talking to Aliyana more and more every day. All of this meant that Thomas hung out with more popular people every day as well. The girls stared at him as he passed them in the hallway and the guys greeted them as they saw him. Sometimes, he’d hear people talking about him to each other. He was never alone; there was always someone who wanted to talk to him. 

All of this stressed Virgil out. He tried Thomas to find a quiet place every once in a while, but he’d hardly ever succeed. He’d never be able to find a safe space to calm down, which meant he’d have to bottle up his anxiety. And that hardly ever went well. 

Today was one of those bad days. Ever since the Squip came into their existence, Virgil had felt more anxious than before. Everything he was used to was changing and it unsettled the side. And it didn’t help that he spent most of his time in his own room, trying to avoid the Squip as much as possible. But this day was worse. _Much_ worse.  

It already started when Thomas stepped into the school building. Everyone was talking too loudly and too much. Thomas passed Joan’s locker and while Virgil noticed Joan and Talyn standing there, talking, the teen did not even glance their way. Virgil noticed Joan looked at their best friend – former best friend – and Talyn whispered something in their ear. He noticed how Allen walked towards Thomas, yelling his name and greeting him with a handshake they had come up with together. He noticed a few girls staring at the two boys and he was pretty sure the tallest whispered something to her friends. Everyone was talking and everyone was staring. Everyone was judging him and now Thomas hung out with the cool kids, they judged him even harsher. He couldn’t make a mistake because people would talk. He couldn’t say something wrong because people would talk. He couldn’t do anything weird because _people would talk._ They were all watching him and they would know if something happened. 

First block, Thomas was distracted by Virgil’s constant hesitating and overthinking. The Squip noticed and tried its best to distract Thomas and to steer him in the right direction. It told him to sit up straighter and stop fidgeting with his pen. 

Second block, Virgil tried to hold back. He knew his constant worrying would bother Thomas and he didn’t want to hold him back anymore than he already did. So he tried to remain quiet. But he knew that it wouldn’t help. He was still thinking and worrying, even when he tried not to do so. He couldn’t flip a switch to turn his thoughts off. Virgil tried listening to music to calm himself down. And it worked, just a bit, but it worked. 

Until lunch. As soon as Thomas stepped into the crowded cafeteria, Virgil knew it was bad news. It was too loud and too busy. He wanted to get out of there, but he knew he couldn’t. The Squip wouldn’t let him. It would probably have something to say about people starting to ask questions, or people talking about him. Not showing up to lunch would probably harm his precious reputation in some way. 

And so he didn’t stop Thomas from walking to his so-called ‘friends’. Will, Allen and Guy were joined by a few girls and two guys the teen had never seen before. Shit. 

Virgil watched as Thomas walked to the group of teenagers, clearly uncomfortable. Half of these people were complete strangers to him. Of course, he knew their names – everyone knew – but he had never talked to them yet. One particular girl, a brunette girl who was practically sitting on Allen’s lap, eyed him suspiciously as he approached. Thomas nodded at her, following the Squip’s every instruction, and sat down on the other side of Allen, facing a blonde girl with too many make-up and a little too much cleavage. Saskia Finch, best friends with Patricia Delta, Allen’s girlfriend. She was the source of most of the gossip and drama in their year. If the stories were true,she had a thing for… _guys_. She was pretty vain and spent most of her time staring at her reflection to make sure her make-up was still on point. No one knew what to think of her, but Thomas preferred to stay away from her as far as possible. 

Saskia smiled at Thomas as he sat down in front of her. Thomas greeted her and then turned to Allen, who told him about an encounter he had with a ‘totally psycho chick’ a few days ago. Thomas pretended to listen to Allen’s tale as his mind wandered off. And at this point, Virgil saw a chance. He stepped closer to the screen and started talking to Thomas. 

“Thomas, listen,” he started off carefully, “I know you want to be more popular and ‘cooler’, but you need to go away. This… this isn’t good. You’d _never_ hang out with these people, even if they’d offer you money for it! This isn’t you! They’re not your kind of people, they’re jerks, idiots, and don’t you see the way Saskia is looking at you? She’s either judging you or trying to make a move. You don’t want to be near these people. One wrong thing and you’re _dead_. You know this, Thomas, please-”

Virgil abruptly stopped talking as an all-too-familiar pain travelled through his body. The sudden shock made him gasp and stumble backwards. That was the final straw. Maybe it was because he knew he wouldn’t impact Thomas anymore and he didn’t have to worry about affecting the teen, or maybe it was because the shock was so sudden and out of the blue, but Virgil felt himself spiralling into an anxiety attack. He took a few steps away from the screen and let himself fall on the couch, trying to remember the breathing exercises Logan had taught him in order to calm down. When that wouldn’t work, Virgil searched for his headphones and iPod, deciding to listen to some music to distract him. After a lot of shaky fumbling, the anxious side had finally found what he was looking for and placed the headphones on his head, looking for the playlist he had made exactly for moments like these. It wasn’t an easy task, as his hands kept shaking and his vision was blurred by anxious tears, but he made it. A few moments later, he heard the first tones of Helena and he closed his eyes, trying to calm down his breathing. He leaned back into the pillows on his couch and he just… sat there, trying to recover. And that’s where Patton found him, not much later. 

The moral side had noticed Virgil’s absence and he noticed the way Thomas behaved. Something was up with the other side and he needed to find out what it was. And that’s why he decided to investigate. Patton immediately chose to go to Virgil’s room; he suspected he would find the anxious side there. It was his own room, one of the few places where he was alone – especially since the Squip occupied the common rooms nowadays. 

When Patton entered Virgil’s room, he saw the other side sitting on his couch. He was listening to music with his eyes shut tight. His shaking hands clutched one of his pillows very tightly as he moved his head to the beat of the music. Patton noticed Virgil’s cheeks were tearstained and red. That could not mean he was having a good time. Patton quickly made his way over to Virgil and crouched in front of him, carefully placing a hand on the other side’s knee. Virgil flinched and pulled his leg away from the sudden touch, but he still opened his eyes to see Patton kneeling in front of him, looking up at him with those worried brown eyes of his. He could see how worried and even _hurt_ he was. Virgil turned off his music and kept his eyes focussed on Patton, his vision slowly blurring with fresh tears. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Virgil shook his head as he looked down again. Patton understood and he got up so he could sit next to the other and embrace him. He had no idea what happened or what was going through Virgil’s head, but he knew he needed support right now. So he hugged Virgil and waited until he stopped shakingand his sobs had died away. Then, Patton pulled away and offered to get Virgil a glass of water. The other side gratefully accepted this and watched as the moral trait got up and walked to the kitchen. As he waited, Virgil turned to the screen to watch what was happening now. Lunch had ended and Thomas’ next class had already started. He wouldn’t miss them right now. 

Patton came back with the biggest glass he could find, filled with water. Virgil took the glass and smiled, not looking into Patton’s eyes as he did so. The fatherly side sat down next to the other again and carefully asked:

“So… do you want to talk about it now?” Virgil took a sip of water and hesitated. He knew Patton had told him it would help him to talk about what was bothering him but… did he _want_ to? Of course not. He didn’t want to relive that all again and explain what he was feeling, and why. He didn’t want to have to explain everything that was going on. But Patton was only trying to help him, right? It wouldn’t be harmful to anyone, would it? So with a deep sigh, Virgil nodded. He didn’t look at Patton as he explained what had caused him to have an anxiety attack. 

“I’m sorry, it did _what_?” Patton asked coldly as Virgil had ended the story. Carefully, Virgil looked up to look at the other side. He saw Patton was ticked off, but trying to hold back. 

“It… blocked me out,” Virgil explained. He looked down at his hands again as he continued: “But it… it’s best for Thomas, I guess. It’s right, I- I only hold him back.”

“Virgil,” Patton said calmly, “that’s not true. Thomas _needs_ you! You’re not holding him back! And… whenever you do, it’s for a good reason! You protect him!”

“I guess,” Virgil sighed, “but…”

“No buts,” Patton interrupted. “You’re not holding Patton back and the Squip had no right to do that to you!”

He was right. Virgil knew he was right, but… what could he do? He wouldn’t be able to reason with the Squip, because it would most likely ignore him or block him out again. The only thing that thing was focussed on, was making sure Thomas becomes ‘popular’. It never listened to any of the sides, unless they said something that might be useful to its goal. Virgil had given up trying to reason with it a few days ago. But apparently, Patton hadn’t. Because he got up, saying that he was going to ask the Squip about it. No matter how much Virgil tried to convince him not to. The computer had no right to do anything like that and Patton was going to make sure it knew exactly what he thought of that.

Not long after the incident with Virgil, the three other sides gathered in Logan’s room to discuss their situation. They had chosen to keep Virgil out if it, as the anxious side had enough problems of his own already. Logan and Patton sat down on the couch, while Roman remained standing in front of them, pacing back and forth. 

“So, the Squip…” Roman started of as he came to a halt in front of the two other sides. His eyes focussed on Patton as he spoke. “Are you finally willing to agree that this… this _thing_ is harmful and nothing but bad news?”

“Yeah, I… I think.” Patton nodded. He didn’t meet the prince’s eyes as he brought out those words. Roman raised an eyebrow.

“You _think_?” he repeated cynically. “Come on Patton, you see how it’s changing Thomas and… you’ve seen the state Virgil is in! You can’t possibly think there’s anything good in that piece of technology, can you?”

“I mean… no…”

“Please, don’t tell me there’s a ‘but’ coming up,” Roman interrupted, taking a few steps closer to Logan and Patton.

“Well…” Roman let out an exasperated sigh as he sat down on the table to face Patton directly.

“Oh God, Patton. How do you think to defend it?”

“I don’t know…” Patton still refused to look at the other sides in front of him as he replied. Instead, he focussed on his hands. “It’s just- it… it feels wrong to judge it so harshly already and-”

“Patton, I know you don’t like judging people – or _things_ , in this case – but you’ve seen what it’s doing to Thomas right?” Roman asked, his voice calmer than before, but it was clearly forced. The prince tried his best to keep his composure. “And besides, it’s a computer! It acts like it is programmed to act, it’s not going to change its behaviour any time soon, if that’s what you’re worried about. Right, Logan?” With those words, Roman turned to the logical side for confirmation. Logan snapped out of his trance and looked at the prince. It took him a few moments to process the question but he eventually nodded before turning to Patton.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Roman is right,” he admitted. “I do not see that happening. The Squip has been programmed to make Thomas popular and it is apathetic towards anything but its goals. Reasoning with it is a lost case, and unless there’s a way to change its programming – which I doubt – there is no way we can change its behaviour.”

“I know,” Patton sighed. He stayed quiet for a few moments, silently debating what he would say next. “It’s just… Thomas wanted this…”

“Thomas didn’t know what he was getting himself into!” Roman said. “He may have wanted to become more popular, but I don’t think he knew that _this_ would happen.”

“I know,” Patton said once more. “But…”

“How on earth can you still defend that scum?” Roman asked, his loud voice startling both Patton and Logan. “You have _seen_ what it does to Virgil. You have _seen_ what it does to Thomas. How can you think there’s any good in it?”

Patton looked up at Roman for a few seconds, before taking a few deep breaths and finally answering:

“Well, we misjudged Virgil for the longest time,” he muttered softly. “Painted him as the bad guy, made him a scapegoat and… it hurt him. We were too quick too judge him just because of what he did. We never stopped to question his intentions and his true feelings and I… I guess I don’t want to go through any of that again.”

“Patton,” Roman called softly, walking over to the moral side. “I see where you are coming from, but this is not the same situation. This is not a side we are talking about, it’s a computer. I don’t think it actually has true feelings like we do. It’s like Logan said: it had been programmed with a certain goal. It doesn’t do anything other than that. It’s not the same situation.”

“How can you be sure of that?” Roman looked to the logical side for help. 

“Emotions are complicated,” Logan explained, getting the prince’s silent call for help. “They come to be through a complex circuit in the brains. That is not something that can be reproduced so easily with technology. Sure, the output might be reproduced, but the process that creates these emotions can’t. It’s a process that is unique to living beings. So even if the Squip would express emotions, it would not _feel_ them. It can impossibly be the same situation as last time.”

Patton looked at Logan as he let the words sink in. He trusted Logan, of course he did. But it still felt _wrong_. Even if he knew the Squip wasn’t any good, it felt _wrong._ But he knew the supercomputer would not do them any good. Something that could block out an important facet of Thomas’ personality without a second thought could not be any good. 

“Fine,” Patton eventually admitted. “You’re right.”

“I know I am.” Roman replied with a grin. “Now, we need to find out if there is anything we can do to get rid of this Squip.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: A little bit of anxiety/panic attack, swearing, argument

He couldn’t get out. Oh God, he couldn’t get out. Virgil had wanted to go to the common rooms, as he wanted to talk to the other sides about what happened the day before. But he couldn’t. For some reason, he couldn’t leave his room. He couldn’t take the shortcut by sinking out of his room, so he had tried to open the door – all their rooms had doors, they just hardly ever used them, as sinking in and out of rooms was much easier. But even that failed. The door was locked. Virgil didn’t even know they could be locked. This wasn’t good. It couldn’t be. He didn’t know how, but Virgil suspected this had something to do with the Squip. 

He was locked in his room. He couldn’t get out. At this realisation, Virgil felt his chest tightening with anxiety. He couldn’t get out. He was trapped in here. _He couldn’t get out._

From the moment Thomas walked into the school, Patton knew something was wrong. He didn’t act like the usual Thomas. Even with the Squip, Thomas was never fully confident. There was always a moment where he would stop in hesitation or a nervous tic would resurface. But today, there was no nervousness, no anxiety. There was no fear of what people would think. He didn’t even look around when two girls chuckled as he passed them. Patton noticed this and he immediately knew what was wrong. Virgil was missing. He didn’t know what was wrong, but he knew _something_ was. And so he decided to investigate. 

But, when the moral side decided to go to Virgil’s room, he found that he wasn’t able to sink into the room. That was odd. Patton had never experienced something like this in his entire life. Even when the sides had ducked out, the others were still able to enter their room. But somehow, this was different. 

So Patton decided he had to talk to one of the other sides. Seeing as Logan would be most valuable to Thomas at this point, the moral side reasoned he’d go to Roman for help. He sunk out of his room and into Roman’s – at least that did work. 

“I think it’s happened again,” the moral side said as soon as he entered the prince’s room. Roman flinched in surprise as he turned around. He hadn’t been paying attention and thus hadn’t heard the other side enter his room. He looked at Patton as his brain tried to make sense of what he had said. 

“What-”

“I think it blocked Virgil again.” And then it clicked. Roman straightened his back ever so slightly as he heard this. 

“Have you talked to Virgil yet?”

“No,” Patton responded, shaking his head. “That’s why I wanted to talk to you. I can’t sink into his room.”

“Wait, not at all?” Roman asked, furrowing his brow. 

“No! That’s the weird part,” Patton said, “this never happened before! I was hoping you’d know what to do.”

“Well… we could try the door,” Roman suggested. 

Right. The door. Patton had almost forgotten there was a door. Because even though every room had a door, they hardly used them. The hallway that connected the rooms to the rest of the mindscape was a long and remote hallway. It was much quicker to just sink in and out of the rooms. But right now, this might be their only option. 

The two sides walked through the long, dark hallway, to the very last door. When they stopped outside Virgil’s room, Patton was sure he could hear the side’s rapid breathing. Something was going on. Virgil needed him.

But, when Patton opened the door, it wouldn’t budge. He tried pushing the door, pulling the door, but nothing would work. 

“What’s going on?” Roman asked. “Can’t you open it?”

“No,” Patton replied in a panic, before he knocked on the door. “Virgil, kiddo, are you in there?”

“Yeah,” he heard a weak voice. “Yeah, I am.” 

The two sides were flooded with relief at the sound of Virgil’s voice. At least this meant that the other side was still there. They both feared that something was wrong with Virgil and even though this didn’t mean he was okay, at least he was still _there_. 

“Virgil, listen,” Patton continued. “We can’t get in, what’s going on?” 

It took Virgil quite a long time to form a coherent reply. Patton, who pressed his ear to the door, heard as the anxious side struggled to breathe and his heart broke a little when he heard this. His best friend was in there, in the middle of what he assumed to be a panic attack, and he couldn’t do anything about it. 

“It… it’s locked,” Virgil brought out. Patton turned to Roman and he raised an eyebrow. No one had ever locked their doors. Their doors didn’t even have locks. Roman had the same thought. 

“Locked?” the prince asked in confusion. “Since when does your room have a lock?”

“Can’t you just unlock it?” Patton tried hopefully. He suspected that it wasn’t that easy, but he could always try, he reasoned. 

“No,” Virgil said “I don’t- don’t know what happened.”

“So, you didn’t lock it?” Roman inquired. 

“No.” The response was soft, but it was clear enough for the two other sides to hear. But something didn’t make sense. Virgil wasn’t the one to lock the door. The door had magically grown a lock and it locked itself. It just didn’t add up. 

“Then how did-” Roman cut himself off as a hint of understanding appeared on his face, quickly replaced by anger. “Patton, you stay here, I need to talk to someone.”

And before Patton could protest, the creative side stormed off, leaving him alone with Virgil. 

“What the _fuck_ are you doing to Virgil?” Roman asked as soon as he stepped inside the common rooms. The Squip, like always, had its back turned to him as it studied the screen in front of it. It didn’t even look around as it responded to his question:

“I’m doing all that’s necessary to help Thomas.”

“By repressing his anxiety?” Roman asked in disbelief. He didn’t understand this computer. Did it truly think that it would help Thomas by blocking out his anxiety? How could it just do this to Virgil? “Do you even know what effect that will have on Thomas? He’ll be a mess! That would not help him in the slightest! And besides-”

“I’m taking over Anxiety’s functions,” the Squip interrupted coldly. Roman froze at hearing this sentence. Nothing about it sounded right. He hadn’t heard anyone call Virgil Anxiety in ages, and now he knew his real name, it sounded… wrong. And then, the Squip had said it would be taking over Virgil’s functions? That didn’t sound right. That wasn’t good. 

“He has a _name_ ,” Roman spat, “and besides, why would you do this? How would it be good for him?”

“Anxiety is holding Thomas back,” the Squip explained, finally turning around to meet Roman’s face. “If we keep him around, this will never work!”

“For your information, _Virgil_ hasn’t done anything wrong!” the prince defended his friend. “He’s only looking out for Thomas, that’s more than you’ve ever done!”

“Come on Roman, don’t tell me that you’ve never thought of this,” the Squip smirked as its form stepped close to the creative side. “Don’t tell me you never wanted him gone.”

“Listen, I made mistakes, but I’ve learned from them,” Roman responded. “Virgil is indispensable! We need him to be a functioning whole. You’re not a replacement of him!”

“Well, I am here now and this is what we need to do in order to make Thomas popular!”

“I don’t give a damn about his popularity,” Roman hissed, stepping closer to the Squip. By now, the two of them were so close that Roman could practically feel the Squip’s breath on his skin. “That isn’t what matters most! What matters, is that Thomas is doing fine. You don’t get there by repressing Virgil and hoping it will all be okay, trust me. Virgil is more than just anxiety, just like I’m more than creativity and just like I’m sure you’re more than just an incredible dick. Virgil keeps us together. He keeps us grounded. We _need_ him.”

“Trust me when I say you don’t need him,” the Squip smirked. “Not with me here.”

Roman growled. It took him every once of self-control to stop himself from punching the supercomputer in its face. Instead, the prince just glared at it and turned away. There was no way of arguing with this thing, Roman thought to himself. He knew this already, but somehow, he still had to remind himself of this every time. He couldn’t argue with it. He’d just have to find a way to deal with it then.

In the meantime, Patton had gone to Logan for help, hoping that the logical side would come to his aid. Maybe Logan knew something about doors magically locking themselves. Maybe he knew how to open the door. But they were unsuccessful. Logan had never heard about the doors locking out of nowhere and he had no idea how to open them. So, after trying everything they could think of, Patton sat down, leaning against the door and he told Virgil to do the same. The paternal side heard some shuffling and soft footsteps on the other side of the door. 

“Are you sitting down, kiddo?” Patton asked. 

“Yeah,” Virgil responded softly. His voice was hardly audible, but Patton heard it. He smiled and started talking to Virgil. About anything he could think of. As long as it could distract Virgil, it was fine. Patton knew the younger side enjoyed listening to his voice. It soothed him, Virgil had told him one day. From that day forwards, Patton had vowed to himself that, whenever he’d find Virgil having another panic attack, he’d keep talking to the other side to help him calm down. And even though Virgil might not be having a panic attack right now, Patton still kept his promise to himself. So he talked and he talked until he had nothing left to talk about. 

Virgil rested his head against the wood of the door as he listened to the soothing voice of his best friend. He closed his eyes and felt himself drifting off. He was positively exhausted. After a while, Patton stopped talking. 

“Virge, kiddo, are you still there?” He got no response. He just hoped that meant Virgil had dozed off. A number of horror scenarios did cross his mind, but he didn’t show that to Logan, who was sat next to Patton, looking for anything that might be able to help him. 

“I think he might be sleeping,” the moral side announced softly. “I hope so, at least.”

“That’s good,” Logan nodded. “He needs to rest. You should go see how Thomas is doing, I’ll stay here with Virgil.”

“But… how about you?” Patton asked as he pushed himself up. “Thomas probably needs you right now.”

“I think he’ll be fine,” Logan replied, looking down at the book in his hands. Patton noticed the other side did anything to avoid eye contact with him. “He doesn’t need me anyway.”

“Of course he does,” Patton said softly. He crouched in front of Logan and carefully placed a hand on his shoulder. Logan flinched, but didn’t pull away. “You’re his logical reasoning, most of his intellect. Thomas is in school right now, he’s going to need you, Lo.”

“Not right now.” Logan shook his head, but still avoided Patton’s gaze. Something about his voice sounded so… fragile, so vulnerable. So unlike Logan. “Not while he’s got that Squip. That thing can take over. You should just check on Thomas. I’ll stay with Virgil.”

But Patton didn’t want to leave. He could see something was bothering Logan. It had to be the Squip. He had said that word with so much contempt, it had to be the one. He wanted to talk to Logan about it, to figure out what happened and if they could fix it. He wanted to be there for Virgil when he woke up. He didn’t want to leave the anxious side there. Even if Logan was there for him, it felt wrong to leave. But Logan was right. They had to remember that Thomas was still there. He could always come back to talk to Logan later. Thomas was still his top priority, even with everything else that was going on. And he needed to watch the Squip’s advances.

“Alright, then,” Patton finally gave in. “I’ll go. I’ll make sure Ro switches with you at some point.” Logan just nodded as he returned all of his attention on the book in his hands. Patton saw this as his cue to leave and turned around, walking to the door leading into his own room and entering it.   

As he waited for Virgil to wake up, Logan read in one of the books he had brought. He had decided to take multiple books with him. This would be easier for him, as he wouldn’t have to get up to get a new book every time he finished one, but it would also mean he didn’t have to leave Virgil behind. He had hoped that there would be one book that even mentioned a Squip, but unfortunately, he had found nothing. The book he was reading at the moment, _Threats of the Conscious Mind_ , went on and on about demons, devils and other malicious creatures, but nothing about Squips. And even though Logan had expected this, he had hoped that there would have been something that came close to their problem. But there wasn’t even one minor similarity. 

Logan had just finished a chapter about demons, when he heard someone shifting on the other side of the door **.** He closed the book, his thumb between the pages to keep track of where he had stopped reading. 

“Virgil,” he asked softly, moving his head closer to the door behind him. “Are you awake?”

“Logan?” a groggy voice replied softly. “Is that you?”

“Yes, it is me,” Logan answered. “How are you feeling now, Virgil?”

“I don’t know,” Virgil said. After a short silence he continued: “Better, I think? I still feel like crap, though.”

“Patton told me you enjoy hearing his voice,” the logical side recounted, looking down at the books next to him. “Now, I know I’m not him, but I have got a few books here with me. Do you think it would help you if I read something to you? To keep your mind occupied?”

“I… I don’t know,” Virgil replied. “I think so.”

Logan nodded and looked at the small stack of books. He had not only brought books that he thought would help him find out more about their Squip, he had also brought a few novels for if Virgil did wake up. The side had just picked up some books he thought Virgil might enjoy. He grabbed the first book he saw and read the title. _Fahrenheit 451_. Logan briefly described the plot of the dystopian novel to the side on the other side of the door and waited for his reaction. Virgil told Logan that it sounded interesting and that he’d love to hear it. The logical side nodded once more and opened the book. 

When Logan had finished the first chapter, Virgil interrupted him with a question that had been plaguing his mind since he woke up. He sat up a little bit straighter as he spoke: 

“Why are you doing this?”

“It is as I said,” Logan started, “I thought it would help you calm down to-”

“No, why are you doing _this_?” Virgil repeated. “Why are you still here with me?”

“I thought it would comfort you to know someone was here.” Logan explained matter-of-factly. He paused for a few brief moments. Maybe it didn’t help Virgil as much as he had reasoned it would. It was only a guess after all. “Would you like me to stop?”

“No… no… it helps me calm down,” the anxious side admitted softly. “But… why?”

“Why not?” the logical side retorted. “It cannot be very exciting in there.”

“It’s not.” Virgil sighed. Neither he nor Logan spoke for a few moments. But something kept bothering Virgil. “Doesn’t Thomas need you, though?”

“No, he’ll be alright,” Logan dismissed. “The Squip’s there.”

He had said those word like nothing was wrong. But Virgil noticed something that the others wouldn’t have noticed. It was the exact same tone he used when he wanted to cover up how hurt he really was. There was more to what Logan had said, there was something he didn’t want to admit. Something he was hiding.

“What do you mean?” he frowned. Obviously, something had happened earlier. And he wanted to know _what_.

“It can replace me while I’m here with you.” Logan’s voice sounded nonchalant as ever, but it sounded off. It sounded wrong.

“Logan, what are you talking about?” Virgil frowned. “It can’t replace you.”

“Virgil, it’s a supercomputer,” Logan said with a humourless chuckle – a hurt one. “It can solve any problem in a fraction of a second. Of course it can.”

“But you’re more than just intelligence,” the anxious side tried, wishing he could faze through the door and look into Logan’s eyes as he spoke. “It can’t replace your other functions!”

“Can’t it? Are you sure?”

“Yeah, of course,” Virgil said quickly. To be fair, he wasn’t sure about that. He wasn’t doubting Logan, he just didn’t know what the Squip could and couldn’t do. But Virgil had soon decided that reassuring Logan and comforting him was the best option for right now. So of course, he could not tell him the truth. “Why would you think otherwise?”

“I don’t know, Virgil.” Logan shook his head as he leaned back against the door. “It’s just that I realised I’m not as intelligent as I like to think I am and… my intelligence is what distinguishes me from you guys and I just… I’ve been thinking.”

“What do you mean?” Virgil asked with a soft chuckle. He couldn’t believe that he actually heard this. Logan couldn’t be serious, could he? “Logan, there’s so much more that distinguishes you than that!”

“What is it? I can’t act, like Roman. I’m not funny, or good at cooking, like Patton. I can’t make art like you do. My intelligence is _my thing_ , except it’s not. Not anymore.”

“Logan, that’s not true!” Virgil exclaimed. “You’re the one who makes these schedules for Thomas, you help him be organized. You’re the reason he’s got his life in order. You are the one who can reign in his fantasies, his romance, his irresponsibility and his anxiety. Without you, Thomas would be nothing but an anxious mess who’d spend his days in imaginary worlds and who’d never get anything done. Give yourself a little more credit.”

Logan sighed. Virgil was right. He knew he was, but he couldn’t help but feel this way. He praised himself on his intelligence and the fact that he was the smartest of the sides was, in a way, important to him. It made him feel good. But now that the Squip was here, Logan was no longer the smartest around. And it _stung._

“You’re right, Virgil,” Logan sighed. “It’s just that… I don’t know-”

“I know what you’re feeling,” Virgil interrupted. “You don’t have to explain it. I get it.”

Logan nodded and sighed. He had never talked about his own feelings this much. He usually felt more comfortable trying to push away his feelings. He never understood how others could be so open about their emotions, but really, he understood now. It was a relief to get it off your chest, he realised. Knowing that someone else knew what you felt, knowing that they could be able to help you if you needed any. It was a comforting thought. 

Logan had hardly realised that a silence had taken over, until Virgil interrupted it:

“So… back to the book?”

“Wha- yeah,” Logan nodded, looking at the book in his hands. “Yeah sure, let’s get back to it.”

* * *

“Hey Thomas,” Aliyana smiled as she sat down next to Thomas at the only empty table in the cafeteria. 

“Hey Ali,” Thomas said in reply as he smiled at the girl next to him. He really did like this girl. It wasn’t because the Squip told him to, he actually really enjoyed talking to her. Thomas had always thought she was one of those stereotype popular girls. One of those girls who only cared about make-up and clothes. But in the past two months, Thomas had learned that there was so much more to Aliyana than he had thought. 

“So, are you doing anything this weekend?” Aliyana asked softly. She twirled a strand of her long, blonde hair around her finger and let it slip off again. She repeated this over and over and over. It was almost hypnotising. 

“You’re not,” the Squip said harshly, breaking Thomas’ near-trance. Thomas looked up at the girl’s blue eyes and smiled. 

“I don’t think I do,” he replied. This made Aliyana smile and she looked down at the table, seemingly trying to work up the courage to say something. 

“Would you… would you want to do something together?” she finally asked, her blue eyes meeting Thomas brown ones. “Just the two of us?”

“Yes,” the Squip quickly reacted. Thomas automatically repeated what the computer had told him to say. Only when the word had left his mouth, did he realise what had happened. Had Aliyana just asked him out on a date? And had he just accepted? Oh no, this was bad. Thomas couldn’t go out with her. But she smiled so happily and she was so cute and Thomas couldn’t just let her down like that. It was obviously very difficult for her to ask this and the fact that Thomas had accepted made her so happy… he couldn’t just change his mind like this. 

“Great!” the girl beamed. Thomas smiled back, his heart aching. He knew he couldn’t do this. But she didn’t. “Is there anything you’d want to do?”

“Not really…”

“Well, there’s this park near my house,” Aliyana said, looking at her hands. “It’s pretty big and… it’s honestly beautiful! We could go there together. If you’re okay with it, you could stay the night, so we can stargaze and- you know what, forget it… it’s stupid…”

“It’s not!” Thomas quickly reassured her. “I… I’d love that.”

It was wrong. It was so, so wrong. Even though it sounded like a great first date… it was wrong. Thomas wasn’t attracted to her. He wasn’t even attracted to girls! But he couldn’t just tell her that he had changed his mind. It would crush her. 

The rest of their lunch break was spent discussing what they could do that weekend and it hurt Thomas to see how excited Aliyana was. He wanted to tell her the truth, he wanted to tell her that he was gay and he couldn’t go out with her. But he knew that his Squip wouldn’t let him. And even if it would let him, the girl would be devastated. Thomas didn’t want to lose a close friend like Aliyana. The best thing would be to keep this up for just one day. And maybe this would work itself out.

* * *

“Patton, we’ve got a problem,” Roman announced as he entered Patton’s room. The room was as messy as usual, though something seemed off. Something was wrong but Roman couldn’t quite see what was. Patton was sat on the couch, looking at the screen. 

“I’ve already seen it,” Patton said, not taking his eyes off of the image in front of him. 

“What are you- no, no it’s something else,” Roman made his way towards the moral side and sat down next to him. “It’s about Virgil.”

These words immediately drew Patton’s attention. What was up with his emo son?

“What is it?”

“I know why he’s locked in his room.” The prince looked at the man in front of him, who knitted his eyebrows together, silently urging him to continue talking. “It’s the Squip. It feels like Virgil is holding Thomas back, so it blocked him out. Permanently. And it said it was… taking over his functions. That’s why Virgil can’t get out of his room. I think, at least. He doesn’t really have a function anymore.”

“Oh no,” Patton sighed rubbing his face, “oh no. Poor Virge. He- he… and there isn’t anything we can do about it, is there?”

“I don’t think so,” Roman replied softly. “Not as far as I know. Logan didn’t even know anything about it.”

“You already told Logan?”

“Yeah, I hoped he might know what we could do,” Roman said. “But he didn’t, obviously.”

“Does Virgil know about it?” Patton asked worriedly. “Did he hear you and Logan talking about it?”

“I’m not sure,” the creative side answered. He tried to remember it, but he wasn’t sure whether Virgil was awake or not. “Why?”

“He can’t know that the Squip did this,” Patton said. “At least not the reason behind it. He can’t know it thinks he’s holding Thomas back, that would only bring him down even more. He already thinks he’s holding Thomas back himself, if he finds out the Squip said so too, that would only confirm his thoughts for himself. He can’t find out about it. Alright?”

“You’re right,” Roman nodded. “I’ll go talk to Logan about it. I told him I was going to switch with him soon anyways. You can keep an extra eye on Thomas for me, right? To make sure he’s doing good?”

“Of course,” Patton smiled, grabbing a pillow as some sort of comfort. “If Virgil is awake, can you please tell him I love him? And I’ll come down there as soon as possible.”

“Of course, Pat,” Roman promised with a smile. “You just take your time, okay? Just make sure Thomas is alright.”

“I will,” Patton said as he grabbed a pillow next to him. “Please take care of yourself. And Virgil.”

“Naturally,” Roman answered. “I’ll see you later, Pat.”


	5. Chapter 5

Thomas stepped out of his car and looked at the house in front of him. Its walls were made of white bricks that seemed to be cleaned on a regular basis. It wasn’t a huge house, but still bigger than average. 

Weirdly enough, Thomas didn’t even feel anxious or nervous as he approached Aliyana’s house, clutching a bag in one of his hands. Even when he rang the doorbell and waited for someone to let him in, he felt no anxiety. Nothing. 

“Thomas!” Aliyana exclaimed as she opened the door, wrapping her arms around Thomas. The boy returned the hug with a vague smile on his face. He loved Aliyana. In just two months, the two of them had become good friends. Aliyana was a really kind and caring person. She was nothing like the girl Thomas had pegged her to be. 

“Ali,” Thomas greeted her. 

“I’m so glad you’re here,” the girl said with a soft giggle as she led Thomas inside. 

“So am I.” Thomas ignored the Squip’s scolding – ‘You’re supposed to act more chill, Thomas, you need to think of your reputation.’ – as he followed Aliyana to her room. He heard a high-pitched voice singing something. Aliyana rolled her eyes, before leaning over the handrail and yelling:

“Eric, shut up!” She turned back to Thomas and smiled apologetically. “I’m sorry about my brother, he can be an idiot sometimes. Don’t mind him too much, okay?”

“Alright,” Thomas chuckled as he followed Aliyana up the stairs to her room. It wasn’t an extremely large room, the boy noticed as he placed his bag on the floor next to the king-sized bed. There were three white walls, one was deep red.

“Don’t worry, we’ve got a guest room where you can stay,” Aliyana said quickly as she stepped inside. “Or we can move a mattress over here. Whatever you are comfortable with. We don’t have to… share a bed immediately if you don’t want to.”

“That’s good to know, thank you,” the boy smiled. “I’ll think about it.”

Thomas walked over to the large windows on one of the walls and gazed outside. In the distance, he could already see the park Aliyana had referred to earlier, going on for what felt like forever. The girl walked over and stopped next to Thomas, followed him gaze to the park. 

“Your room looks great,” Thomas stated, not knowing what else he could say. 

“Her room looks great?” the Squip mocked in the back of the boy’s head. “ _Really_? Of all things you could have said, you chose the most pathetic one?”

 _“So what?”_ Thomas questioned. “ _I know what you want me to tell her and I’m not going to do that_.”

Thomas flinched slightly as he felt another shock running through his body. He had hoped the girl next to hadn’t noticed, but unfortunately, life wasn’t that kind. Aliyana turned her head towards Thomas and studied him worriedly. 

“Thomas?” she asked softly. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” the boy nodded quickly, trying to work out an excuse. “I- eh, I think I must have made a wrong move. But I’m fine, don’t worry about it!”

“Okay,” Aliyana nodded, still slightly suspicious. “Do you want to go to the park now? My mom said she had prepared some stuff we could take with us already.”

“Yes,” Thomas said, knowing what the Squip wanted him to do. “Yes, that… that sounds great!” 

Aliyana smiled and led Thomas downstairs again, telling him to stay in the hallway while she got the basket with food. She didn’t want him to have to deal with her family just yet, she explained. That would be a problem for later. Thomas nodded and did as the girl told him. 

While he was alone, Thomas could not stop thinking about what was going to happen. He loved Aliyana, he really did, but he loved her as a friend. Not as a romantic partner. He knew he was giving her the wrong ideas by going on a date with her, but… he couldn’t back out. Aliyana would be crushed, their friendship gone. Thomas had come up with a few small excuses – lies – to get out of it. He just hoped it would work.      

When Aliyana got back to him with a picnic basket in her hand, the two walked to the park together, talking about anything that came to mind. The girl brought them to this part in the middle of the park, far away from the pathways, with a lovely view of the setting sun and the park in front of them. The trees and the bushes. It all looked so gorgeous in the last rays of the day.

The two ate everything Aliyana’s mom had prepared for them – totally delicious – and talked all the time. Thomas noted that his Squip was weirdly silent, but decided to not question it and instead cherish this moment of inner peace. Thomas looked at the red sky absentmindedly. 

“Isn’t it gorgeous?” Aliyana gushed as she rested her head on Thomas’ shoulder. 

“Absolutely,” the boy agreed. 

“Wrap your arm around her,” the Squip interrupted the brief radio silence.

“ _What?_ ” 

“No questions, Thomas,” the computer replied. “Wrap your arm around her.”

Thomas wanted to protest but eventually decided against it – he didn’t feel much for yet another inevitable shock – and wrapped an arm around Aliyana. The two teens sat there in silence, watching as the sun slowly disappeared below the horizon. 

It didn’t take long for the stars to come out. Thomas looked up at the sky with a smile on his face. It was so gorgeous, he realised. There was relatively little light pollution in the area, so he could see more stars than he could at home. And he loved it.

“Don’t you think that’s beautiful?” Thomas turned his head to look at Aliyana, who looked up at the stars with a blissful smile on her face. It was the most peaceful he had ever seen the girl. She was so stunned by the beauty of the night sky above her, like nothing else really mattered.

“It is,” Thomas replied with a nod, shifting his gaze to the stars again. “One of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen.”

“Yeah,” Aliyana smiled. Thomas replied with his own absentminded smile, but he didn’t respond again. As he looked at the dozens of lights above him, his mind wandered off. Could he really keep this up? Could he really let this happen? It felt so wrong to keep up this pretence, this act. Aliyana didn’t deserve this. 

“Thomas,” Aliyana’s soft voice interrupted the silence, “is something wrong?”

“Ali, listen,” Thomas said, looking at the blonde girl. He had to tell her _something_. “I… I just wanted to tell you that… I think you’re a great girl, I really do but… right now I’m not ready for a relationship.”

“Alright,” Aliyana replied, looking up at the boy next to her. “May I ask why?”

Thomas nodded and looked down at Aliyana. Even though he was panicked at this question, he didn’t show her. He hadn’t really prepared for this, he had hoped the girl wouldn’t ask any questions and that he wouldn’t have to make up a reason. Of course, he could come out right now, but that was risky. He didn’t know what Aliyana would say, and besides; he knew his Squip would tell him off for that, if it would even let him talk about his sexuality.  

“Your previous girlfriend cheated on you,” the Squip instructed, noticing Thomas’ distress. “And you’re still hurt over that.”

“My… my previous partner cheated on me,” Thomas replied, slightly altering the Squip’s words. “And I guess that it just left me really hurt and I’m just… scared, I think. And it wouldn’t be fair to get back into a relationship so soon. Not to me, but especially not to you.”

“I understand,” Aliyana said. “I prefer to take it slow anyways.”

Thomas nodded and the two remained in a comfortable silence, looking up at the night sky above them.

“You know,” Aliyana broke the silence eventually, “my first boyfriend cheated on me too. Left me unable to even _think_ of a guy for the first weeks after we broke up.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry for you, too,” the girl whispered. “I mean, it’s pretty bad but… you know what hurts the most? To me, it’s just… when you start dating someone, you think – or you _hope_ – that it’s going to be one of these fairy-tale romances, with a happy ending and all. But in real life, it rarely turns out that way. And to be woken up from that dream… that’s what hurts the most. Especially when it happens like… like _that_.”

“Yes,” Thomas nodded. In reality, he had no idea. He had never been in a relationship before, but he hoped that agreeing with Aliyana would help him out. He couldn’t be in a relationship with this girl. It wouldn’t be fair. “I agree. It’s horrible to think that someone would betray your trust like that.”

“Yeah,” Aliyana said. “But we’re better off without them, right?”

“Exactly,” Thomas agreed. “We don’t need them.”

The two remained in the park for a little while after that, looking up at the starts and occasionally talking. It was then that Thomas realised how much he actually enjoyed Aliyana’s company. She treated him like an equal and a human being. She wasn’t like Allen, who only kept him around because his Squip told him to, or like Saskia, who seemed to be _insistent_ to make a move on him. She talked to him normally and seemed to really appreciate his company as well. She was such an amazing girl and she deserved to date someone who loved her in a romantic way. But he could not turn back now. 

After a while, the two began to grow cold and they decided to pack up and return to Aliyana’s home. 

“Hey, Thomas,” Aliyana spoke up when they crossed the road. “You said you wanted to take things slow, so… should I prepare the guest room for you? I guess that’s probably the best? I mean- I don’t want to make any decisions for you but…”

“It’s fine, it’s fine!” Thomas reassured her quickly. “I think… that would be good. I hope you’re okay with that?”

“Of course!” Aliyana smiled, taking Thomas’ hand in hers. “I don’t want you to be uncomfortable, or anything!”

Thomas smiled as they stopped in front of the house. Aliyana got out her key and unlocked the front door. She quickly led him upstairs again – clearly avoiding her family. The two teens walked to Aliyana’s room, where they talked for at least another hour before the girl showed Thomas to the guest room and bathroom. Not much later, Thomas changed into his pyjamas and decided to go to sleep, hoping to avoid any confrontation with his Squip.

When Thomas opened his eyes again, it was morning. He was able to enjoy exactly two seconds of peace, before his Squip appeared again, something the boy still had to get used to. It was still weird to see an almost hologram-like Lin-Manuel Miranda in front of him.

“Aliyana is downstairs, alone,” it informed Thomas monotonously. “You should go downstairs now.”

“At least give me some time to wake up,” the kid groaned softly, burying his face in his pillow. The computer complied, giving him a few moments before again prompting the kid to go downstairs. Thomas grumbled as he got up, leaving the comfortable warmth of the bed. 

“What am I even supposed to do?” Thomas wondered as he walked towards the door. “I’m not going to make a move on her.”

“You won’t have to,” the Squip replied before disappearing again. Thomas rolled his eyes and opened the door, making his way to the living room. His Squip didn’t comment on his actions. 

When Thomas stepped into the hallway, he looked around, disoriented for a few moments, before he noticed a black door, almost hidden by the stairs. Carefully, he walked towards the door and opened it. He was faced with a living room that could easily hold his own living room at least twice. To his left, he could see the kitchen and dining room. A familiar and frankly delicious smell filled his nostrils and his head moved in the direction of the smell. It came from the kitchen, so he slowly made his way over to see Aliyana in the kitchen, making pancakes. As she heard Thomas’ footsteps on the cold stone, she turned around with a smile on her face. 

“Morning, Thomas,” she greeted, “did you sleep well?”

“Pretty well, actually,” the boy nodded, “how about you?”

“Could’ve been better, but it was alright.” Aliyana said, turning back to her pancakes. “I hope you don’t mind pancakes, by the way. I was craving them this morning, so I decided to make some.”

“Don’t mind them at all,” Thomas replied, looking at the girl next to him. “Do I need to help?”

“No, don’t worry about it! You’re a guest here, it’s fine!” Aliyana looked at him with a fond smile. “I hope you don’t mind leaving early, by the way. I asked my brother to stay upstairs until you were gone, so he wouldn’t bother you, or talk about anything you’re uncomfortable with. He can be a real jackass sometimes and I didn’t want you to go through that.”

“That’s cool,” Thomas nodded with a strange sense of relief. Aliyana smiled back at the boy before she finished the pancake. She made just a few more before stepping away from the stove. Then, she got two plates and some syrup. Thomas took one of the plates in his own hands and smiled at the girl thankfully. 

They got their breakfast and sat down in the living room, talking about anything that came to mind. Most of the time, they weren’t even making sense. And as they were talking, Thomas realised that Aliyana was so much more than he had always thought her to be. Sure, he had known this for a while, but now that they were truly alone, she was so much more genuine than at school. Thomas had always thought her to be one of the typical popular girls, with nothing more to her. But she was so much more than that. She was kind, sweet, funny, and so much more. She was such a great person and an amazing friend. He had never thought her to be like this and internally, Thomas scolded himself for judging her so quickly. She was popular for a reason, and her personality was undoubtedly one of those – and, knowing his peers… her looks weren’t unimportant either, but Thomas preferred to think that her kind nature was a big reason as well. 

The two teens finished their pancakes and never stopped talking. A few hours passed and Thomas knew he had to leave soon. He couldn’t keep this up much longer without feeling incredibly guilty about all of it. And besides, Aliyana’s brother had to come out of his room some time, right? 

So they said their goodbyes and promised to talk soon. And as Thomas walked towards his car, he noticed that the Squip hadn’t said a thing since he came downstairs.

* * *

“Oh my goodness,” Roman gasped as he noticed a big poster on the wall in the cafeteria. “Thomas, do you see that? Oh my goodness, if that is what I think it is…” 

Roman focussed on the screen, quickly concluding that the poster was what he thought it to be; a signup for auditions for the annual school musical. And this year, that would be-

“Into the Woods, Thomas!” the prince squealed. “You’ve wanted to be in that musical forever! Come on, let’s sign up for it!” 

Roman smiled as he looked as the poster got closer and closer, talking to Thomas about how _amazing_ it would be to be in Into the freaking Woods! But, just before Thomas wanted to grab a pen to sign up, Roman felt a shock running through his body. He stumbled backwards in surprise. As he turned his attention back to the screen, the prince saw Thomas walking away from the poster without having written his name down. That wasn’t right. Roman knew Thomas loved Into the Woods and he would have signed up for it immediately. This wasn’t Thomas’ own idea. Roman growled as he left his own room, heading for the common rooms once more. When he entered, the prince saw the Squip softly instructing Thomas to do whatever. 

“You know, I saw a poster for Into the Woods auditions,” he spoke up, slowly approaching the computer. “I was going to tell Thomas to sign up, but something stood in the way of that. Do you know what?”

The Squip turned around and smirked at Roman as it faced the royal side again. 

“Yeah, he’s not doing that,” it responded quickly. Roman had prepared a whole speech to whatever the Squip would say and he opened his mouth to protest when the words sank in.

“Wait, what?” he asked in confusion. He had not expected an answer like this. 

“I said: he’s not doing that.”

“Why not?” Roman wanted to know. He crossed his arms and looked at the computer’s form. He could not believe that someone who looked like Lin-Manuel Miranda could be such a jerk! 

“It’s a _musical_ ,” the Squip countered, “Thomas can’t sign up for that, they’ll think he is gay!”

“First of all, he _is_ gay,” Roman said. “And second, signing up for a musical doesn’t make you gay.”

“Do you really think that’s how these guys think?” the supercomputer questioned. “Don’t tell me you don’t know them by now. Come on, you know what Allen will say, and you know the others will follow him.”

“And you know I don’t care about what Allen will say,” Roman snapped. “Allen is a piece of shit who can go die in a- a dumpster fire. And besides, this is _Into the Woods_ we’re talking about! Thomas has been dreaming of playing in this musical for ages!”

“Well, then he’ll just have to wait a little longer,” the Squip reasoned, returning his attention to the screen. 

“No, no, wait a second,” Roman said with a humourless chuckle as he approached. “That is not how this works, okay? Thomas _wants_ to do this. I know he does, because _I_ want it and I’m part of Thomas. If he wants to sign up, then why won’t you let him do that? He can be in the musical and still be popular! He’s been a part of the musical for years, they’re expecting him to sign up again! Just… let him sign up, okay?”

“I can’t do that,” the Squip simply replied. It refused to look at Roman, even when the prince was right next to it. “My objective is simple: I need to make Thomas popular. I can’t see any beneficialoutcomes when he signs up.”

“But it’s his interest!” the creative side protested loudly. “He loves musicals, he loves performing! Is that honestly less important than reputation and popularity?”

“Yes.”

Roman scoffed and he turned his gaze away from the supercomputer next to him. He was so done with all of this. He just wanted to get rid of the Squip and get it over with. But they didn’t know how to deactivate it, so unfortunately, they’d be stuck with the asshole Lin-Manuel for a Lin-Manwhile. And so, he did the best thing he could think of at that moment. 

He punched it. 

And then, he sank out. 

* * *

Thomas walked over to a table in the corner of the cafeteria, where he already spotted Allen, his friends and Patricia. Allen and Patricia only had eyes for each other, while the other guys were discussing something – probably sports related. The boy was still upset that he wasn’t allowed to sign up for the musical auditions but… was there something he could do about it? His Squip wouldn’t let him and he had no idea how to get rid of the computer, so he would just have to deal with whatever it told him to do, no matter how much it hurt him. 

“Hey T, are you okay?” Will asked as Thomas sat down next to him. “You’re acting a little weird there.”

“Yeah,” Thomas nodded quickly. He waited for a few moments, hoping his Squip would help him out. But it didn’t. “I just… didn’t really sleep well last night.”

“Dude, I heard you and Ali had a date this weekend,” Guy interrupted, leaning forwards a little. “How was it?”

“It was great,” Thomas smiled. “Ali is amazing, we had a great time together!”

“That’s great, dude,” Guy said. “She’s a great girl. She’s so great… yeah, _great_.”

“Yeah, she is.”

“Speak of the devil,” Will mumbled, nodding to something behind Thomas. The guy turned around to see Aliyana approaching with a big smile on her face. 

“Hey guys,” she smiled as she sat down next to the Patricia/Allen amalgamation. The three guys greeted her – the two others were too busy snogging each other’s faces off. 

“Thomas, I saw there’s an audition for a musical,” Aliyana noted before she took a bit of her food. “Aren’t you going to sign up? I figured you’d sign up this year again, as you did so the past few years too…”

“What, you remember that?” Thomas asked, eyebrows shooting up in shock. “Really?”

“Of course!” Aliyana said with a smile. “I would recognize your face. But are you? Are you going to sign up?”

“I- I don’t know,” Thomas lied, looking down at the lunch in front of him. Why did his Squip decide to duck out now, of _all_ times? “It- it’s pretty busy this year, you know? I’m just not sure I want it…”

“Wait you were in the school musical?” Guy asked. He opened his mouth to continue, but saw the glare Aliyana sent his way and immediately changed his mind. 

“Yeah,” Thomas replied softly. He wanted to join so, so badly. He had loved Into the Woods for _ages_ and it hurt him so much to know he would have to let this opportunity pass by him. But maybe… maybe there would be a next time?

* * *

Roman walked to the hallway where Patton sat in front of Virgil’s door, reading from the book Logan had left there. Patton finished the chapter before looking up at Roman. 

“Hey there, Ro!” He smiled. He opened his mouth to greet the prince when he noticed a bruise forming on his knuckles. “What’s that on your hand? What did you do?”

“Nothing much,” Roman brushed it off as he sat down next to Patton, “I might have… punched the Squip.”

“You _punched_ it?” Patton repeated, unsure of how to react to this information. “Why?”

“Good work, red knight,” Virgil commented out of nowhere. 

“Thanks,” Roman smiled, before he turned back to Patton. “I just… I’ve wanted to do it for a long time, actually. Especially with what it did to Virgil. I mean, I tried to hold it back, but it just got too much, I guess.”

“What did it do now?” the anxious side asked carefully. 

“It stopped Thomas from signing up for Into the Woods auditions,” the prince explained, looking down at the bruise on his hand. 

“Oh no,” Patton sighed, “that’s not good. It’s changing Thomas more and more.”

“I know!” Roman exclaimed. “That’s my exact problem with it. I swear, we need to figure out a way to get rid of it. It’s getting out of hand.”

“But how?”

“I don’t know, Patton.” Roman shook his head. “I really don’t know. We need to figure out a way. Anyways, I came here to tell you that maybe you could go back? The Squip blocked me out, so I’m pretty useless right now. Maybe it would be better if you kept an eye on Thomas instead.”

“Sure,” Patton nodded. He handed the book to the prince next to him. “We’re at part three, by the way.”

Roman thanked Patton as he took the book in his hands. 

“I’ll see you later, kiddo,” the moral side yelled to the door. “I love you!”

“Love you too, Pat,” Virgil replied softly. Patton smiled and waved at Roman, before leaving. 

“So,” Virgil started, “it blocked you out?”

“Yep,” Roman nodded as he leaned his head against the door. “I was trying to get Thomas to sign up for the auditions, but apparently, that was wrong.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” the prince sighed, “you couldn’t help it.”

“You did the right thing, punching it,” Virgil said. “I wish I could do it.”

“I can do it for you,” Roman offered. “I would love to punch that thing again!”

“Please do.”

Roman chuckled and promised Virgil that he would get to it as soon as he had a chance. 

“Thank you,” Virgil said softly. “You know you don’t have to do all of this right? All three of you, I… can manage.”

“Undoubtedly,” Roman replied. “But I still do it. We all do. I’ve got nothing to do right now anyways, and I just- we all want to be sure you’re okay, Virgil. We know you and… we want you to be okay. And besides, I like your company.”

“You do?” 

“Yeah! You’re not so bad, Twilight.”

“Twilight? Are you serious?” 

Roman chuckled again as he shifted ever so slightly, facing the door behind him. 

“It was the only thing I could think of,” he defended himself. “these past few weeks have been hard on me, give me a break.”

“Alright, Princey,” Virgil responded with a soft chuckle of his own. “Just this once.”

“That is much appreciated.”

Roman smiled at hearing Virgil’s tone, slightly lighter than it usually was. A comfortable silence followed and the royal would not object to maintaining that silence, but he knew he had to do something. He couldn’t sit there without doing anything; it wasn’t like him. So he looked down at the book in his hands. _1984_. Roman would never admit it to Logan, but he actually enjoyed the book. It was nothing like the stories he usually enjoyed, but this wasn’t a bad book at all. It had been a while since he had last read something in it, though, and he had missed a lot. Virgil… he wouldn’t mind going through a few bits again, would he?

“Say, Virgil,” the creative side spoke, “would you want me to continue reading, or not?”

“If you don’t mind, I’d prefer to take a break now,” Virgil replied softly. “It’s- it’s been quite a long day.”

“I understand,” Roman nodded, opening the book to where he left off, “I will just catch up, then.”

“Good luck,” the anxious side scoffed. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. Just… enjoy.” Roman raised an eyebrow at Virgil’s quick attempt to redeemhimself. 

“Well,” he said, before focussing his attention to the book in front of him. “Thank you, I guess.” 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Swearing, Deceit makes a small appearance, arguments, fighting, drunk people, underage drinking, mentions of sex, a little bit of homophobia, crying

A few more weeks had passed and nothing notable had happened. Until Logan found something. 

He rushed out of his room and made his way towards Roman, telling him to come along to the corridor in front of Virgil’s door. He had something important to tell and all sides needed to hear this as soon as possible. The creative royal noticed the excitement in the logical side’s voice, something he rarely heard, and immediately followed him. If this excited Logan this much, it _had_ to be something huge. So the two left the room and headed for the corridor, where Patton and Virgil were discussing something only they understood. 

“You guys, Neutron here has some news,” Roman announced as they approached. “And apparently, it’s important.”

The two other sides immediately fell silent and Patton turned his head to the two behind him, silently waiting for Logan to explain Roman’s words. 

“I found something,” Logan said, hardly able to contain his joy, “a blog. And I found something that might help us in deactivating the Squip.”

“You did?” Patton asked, sitting up a little straighter when he heard the news. Roman’s eyes grew wide in joy. “What is it?”

“We need Thomas to-” But what they needed him to do, the three other sides never found out, because Logan was cut off by his own hand covering his mouth. Where Roman’s eyes were wide with delight before, they now narrowed as he realised what just happened. 

“That son of a bitch,” he growled under his breath. 

“What?” Virgil’s voice sounded, unsure of what happened. “Why are-”

“Deceit has decided to play along,” Roman explained softly, while he slowly took a few steps back. “And he’s not on our team.”

“Roman, where are you going?” Patton called out as the prince turned his back on his three friends. 

“I need to talk to Judas,” he replied, stopping in his tracks. “See if he has anything to say for himself.”

Roman’s first thought was to visit Deceit’s room. The younger side rarely left his own room, and the prince suspected that this situation wouldn’t have changed much about it. Honestly, he loathed the deceitful side’s room. It was so unsettling and if he stayed there for too long, he could feel the room starting to influence him. And it was such a horrible feeling. He just wanted to talk to Deceit and get out of there as soon as possible. 

“Ah Roman,” a voice greeted the prince as soon as he appeared in the Dark Side’s room. “What a _pleasant_ surprise.”

“I know what you’re doing, Deceit,” Roman growled, turning to the other side, his insides burning with rage. He could not understand how any side could work together with the Squip. This was bad, even for Deceit.

“Oh really? What exactly am I doing?” The deceitful side looked at the other with the hints of a smirk pulling at the corners of his mouth, giving away that he knew exactly what Roman was talking about.

“I know you’re working with that Squip!”

“Am I now?” Deceit asked. Roman just glared in response. He could see that the other side new what he meant, and he was just playing with him. “Got a haircut?”

“Yeah, I mean, we all got one last week,” Roman responded, running a hand through his hair absentmindedly, “you know, when Thomas went to the- no! I see what you’re doing, you snake! You’re not distracting me like that! Why are you doing it? Why are you on that… _thing’s_ side?”

Roman glared at the side in front of him. There was so much he wanted to tell him, so much he wanted to ask, but he held all of that back. He couldn’t stay here for long. He didn’t want the room to corrupt him. 

“Oh, I don’t know,” Deceit drawled, lazily studying one of his yellow gloves, “it’s not like it makes my job so much easier.”

“But don’t you see what that Squip is doing, is bad for Thomas?”

“What do you mean?” the other wondered. “His image has never been this good. His peers have never liked him more than they do now.”

“But it’s not _him_ ,” Roman tried, “it’s an _act_.”

“Forgot who you’re talking to, Roman?” Deceit finally looked up to meet the prince’s gaze with a smirk. 

The creative prince glared at Deceit as he tried to come up with an appropriate response. He hated this side so much. He could not understand how he could just do something like this. 

“I… I’m on to you, Deceit,” he finally concluded, albeit not as threatening as he had wanted it to be. “And I’ll have my eye on you.”

“Dear me, I’m shaking in my boots,” the deceitful side smirked up at Roman. If looks could kill, Deceit would be lying on the floor right now. Unfortunately, that wouldn’t work, no matter how much Roman tried. 

The prince opened his mouth to respond with something clever, but he could not come up with anything worth saying. So he closed his mouth again and sank out of the room, but not before glaring at Deceit one final time. 

* * *

During lunch, Allen came up to Thomas, who was chatting to Aliyana. To Thomas’ surprise, he was alone. Patricia was sat at a table, talking to her friends, instead of clinging onto her boyfriend.

“Hey, T,” Allen greeted with his signature smile. “I’m throwing a party next weekend. You should totally come. You too, Ali.”

“Sounds great,” the girl nodded with a smile. “I’m already looking forwards to it.”

“Accept the invitation,” the Squip pushed. It had already noticed Thomas’ nerves, or it knew about the boy’s aversion to parties. 

_“But-”_

“Accept it.” Thomas mentally rolled his eyes at the computer’s requests and faked a smile at Allen. 

“I’ll be there,” he promised. Even though a voice at the back of his mind was yelling at him to _not go there_. Even if he hadn’t experienced anxiety for weeks, he still hated parties. It was too crowded, the music was too loud, and everyone was too drunk. He hated it. But he couldn’t fight his Squip. If it told him to go, it would have a good reason to do so, he told himself. So he accepted the invitation with a smile and didn’t say anything about it. Allen grinned in response and told the two that he would text them the details later. He then left, joining his girlfriend again. 

And soon, the night of the party came. No matter how much the sides tried to protest this, Thomas was going there. The boy looked into the mirror, checking his outfit for the last time. He wore his now-signature leather jacket and black jeans with a dark green shirt. A voice inside of him was tempted to apply make-up again and when he looked at the products on his desk, he seriously considered it. For just a few seconds. But he knew he couldn’t do it. His Squip wouldn’t let him. He wasn’t supposed to be wearing make-up. 

A few minutes later, the doorbell rang. Thomas sprinted downstairs, yelling to his parents that he would be heading out in the process. He heard their soft responses, but didn’t pay attention to it. When he opened the door, Thomas saw Will standing there. 

“Yo T, are you ready?”

“You bet I am,” Thomas grinned as he joined the other boy outside. Will smiled approvingly as the two walked to the car, where Guy was waiting for them. Will sat down in the passenger’s seat, while Thomas took the seat behind him. Guy greeted Thomas as he pulled out of the driveway, making their way to Allen’s house in a silence that was only interrupted by loud music. 

It was weird. Usually, Thomas would feel anxious about going to a party like this, but today, he didn’t feel any of that. It was as if the Squip had magically found a way to get rid of his anxiety. Like it didn’t exist anymore. 

That thought reminded Thomas of something. He hadn’t seen his Sides in a while. The four would usually show up every once in a while. Usually when he was alone in his room, but in case of an emergency, they would appear, even if he was in public. As they were all in his mind, no one but Thomas could see them, luckily enough. But Thomas realised that, in a way, he missed his Sides. Sure, they were all a part of his own personality, but interacting with them felt so real, like they were real individuals. It was weird. 

Thomas felt a vague pain in the back of his mind, followed by the Squip talking to him. 

“Don’t worry about that now,” the computer instructed, “that is not important, you need to focus on the party. Tonight will be crucial for building up your reputation and your relationship with Aliyana.”

 _“What do you mean by that?”_ Thomas thought at his Squip, frowning. _“How is it essential for our relationship? Do I really need to go through with this?”_

“Thomas, we’ve been over this,” the Squip replied coldly. “You need this relationship to boost your reputation. Yes, we are doing this.”

Thomas rolled his eyes, glad that no one could see him like this and he looked at the houses passing by. He didn’t reply to his Squip again. 

As soon as the car stopped in front of Allen’s house, Thomas could hear the song that they currently played. This is where pre-Squip Thomas would have turned around and left. But this Thomas was not backing down that easily. He was going in. 

As soon as Thomas stepped into the house, he felt out of place. He had never been to a party this big and it felt wrong. Like he didn’t belong here. But he did belong now, his Squip reassured him. He was an all-new Thomas now. He belonged here.

The three guys were greeted by Allen, holding a beer in his hand. 

“You made it!” he grinned as he allowed his friends to enter. He had to yell to make himself audible over the loud music. The neighbours were going to have some complaints, Thomas noted as he stepped inside. He greeted Allen with a smile and followed him to the spacious living room. There were people everywhere, dancing, talking to each other, or making out. 

“Drinks are in the kitchen,” Allen shouted over the music as he pointed towards a door near the back of the room. “I’ll be with Patty, if you need me.”

Before Thomas could say anything, Allen had disappeared in the mass again. Will and Guy were nowhere to be seen either. 

“Go to the kitchen,” the Squip instructed. “And get a drink. Stay awake from alcohol.”

 _“Why?”_ Thomas wondered as he made his way to the kitchen, being stopped by people who wanted to greet him every once in a while. 

“That doesn’t matter now. Just trust me.”

Thomas nodded as he smiled at a few girls who waved at him as he passed them. It took him a little while, but he had finally made it to the kitchen. The boy opened the door and entered the kitchen. It was much less crowded in the large kitchen, but the music was still clearly audible. 

“Thomas!” A familiar voice greeted him as soon as he stepped inside the kitchen. Thomas turned his head and smiled when he saw Aliyana standing there, in a gorgeous red dress. 

“Hey Ali,” the boy replied as he approached the girl. “Great to see you here.”

“It’s good to see you too!” Aliyana smiled, trying her best to talk over the music. “Have you been here for a long time?”

“I just arrived, how about you?”

“I think I’ve been here for about thirty minutes,” Aliyana said. “It’s fun, but the music is just…”

“Too much?”

“Yeah, exactly! It’s just a little too loud, I think. I came here, hoping to have a little bit of peace.” 

Thomas smiled at her words. He had no idea that the two of them were so similar to each other. Hiding anywhere for a little bit of time for himself was exactly what Thomas did all the time. He had no idea that Aliyana did this too. 

The two talked for a while, until a few girls pulled Aliyana away to talk about something that had happened in the living room. Thomas, prompted by the Squip, headed back into the living room himself, a drink in his hand. 

Many long hours passed by, and every passing hour, the people around Thomas got more and more drunk. Sensible conversations turned into incoherent blabbering and every second, Thomas’ desire to leave grew bigger and bigger. But his Squip would not allow this. He had to socialise at least a little bit more before he was allowed to leave. 

Suddenly, Aliyana stumbled into Thomas. The boy took a step back to catch her and make sure she was steady. 

“Ali, are you alright?” Thomas asked, studying the girl’s face. Her breath smelled of alcohol. “Are you drunk?”

“I’m fine,” she slurred. “Just a… a drinking game. That’s all. Did you know I sucked at it?”

“I guessed as much,” the guy mumbled. 

“What did you say?”

“Nothing.”

“Good, now tell her she looks gorgeous,” the Squip interfered before Thomas could say anything more.

 _“What?”_ Thomas thought at his Squip. _“What do you want me to do?”_

“You heard me, Thomas.” 

The boy sighed, but did as he was told. Aliyana smiled at the compliment and thanked Thomas. 

“You know, I think you’re really pretty yourself.” She held on to Thomas’ jacket as she smiled at him. “And not just today. You’re always so pretty. And so sweet. You understand me so well, Tom. No one gets me like… like you do.”

Thomas looked at the girl in front of him, struggling for words. She was drunk, he kept telling himself. She had no idea what she was doing. But then again… he didn’t know what he was doing either. 

“Tell her that you think the same of her.”

 _“Where is this going?”_ Thomas thought, while also thanking Aliyana for her compliments. _“Why do you want me to do this?”_

“No questions.”

_“But-”_

“No questions.”

Thomas sighed and did as the Squip told him. He had a bad feeling about this. Aliyana was a great girl, but she was so drunk she probably couldn’t even tell her own two hands apart. And he feared that this might be going in the wrong direction, but… what could he do against a computer?

“You know,” Aliyana said, looking into Thomas’ eyes with a smile, “ever since we went to that football game, I… I have been thinking about you. And I know you want to take it slow, and so do I, but haven’t we been slow enough? Don’t you think it’s been long enough? I’m done with taking it slow, I think I- I think I’m ready to take it fast. So… what do you say, Thomas? Just you and me, we could take it upstairs, and then-”

“Go for it, Thomas,” the Squip called. 

_“What? No! I- I can’t,”_ Thomas protested in his mind. _“She’s drunk! And I’m gay! I can’t do this!”_

“No questions. Do it.”

* * *

Roman was watching the entire scene unfold. He was hoping the Squip would be wise enough to reject this, but soon enough, it became clear that it was not going to do that. The prince took a few deep breaths, futilely trying to calm himself down, before he sank out to the common rooms. He had told himself he would not go anywhere near the Squip anymore, but the computer was pushing its limits now.

“What the hell are you doing?” Roman asked, his dangerously low voice laced with malice. 

“My job.” As always, the Squip didn’t look at Roman as it responded. 

“No, this is _my_ job!” the prince snapped. He honestly did not know how long he could stand this computer’s behaviour anymore. It was driving him crazy by now. “I’m the romantic side here, not you! Why are you telling him to do this?”

“Sleeping with Aliyana would give his reputation an enormous boost,” the Squip explained ever so calmly.” He would be known by all the girls and so the guys will notice him more, too.”

“Isn’t he popular enough already?” the prince questioned. “And besides, he’s _gay_. That means that he isn’t attracted to girls, why would he have to seduce them anyways?”

“The popular guys won’t want to sleep with him,” the Squip reasoned, remaining awfully calm. “They’re either straight or too afraid to come out. The only way to get into their circle is by sleeping with one of the girls. Aliyana is interested. This would help their relationship along and-”

“But he doesn’t want that!”

“He doesn’t get to decide what he does and does not want! If he wants to be popular, this is the only way! He called me here because he wanted to be popular, then he’ll have to listen to _me_.” 

And that was where the Squip had officially taken it way too far. Roman growled as he balled his fists. He had promised himself he wouldn’t do anything like this, but right now, he could not hold himself back anymore. He attacked the computer.

* * *

“Thomas, there you are!”

Thomas turned his head as soon as he heard the familiar voice that sounded so much like his own. He was surprised to see his creative side appear next to him once again, after so many months. What was going on? 

His Squip seemed to have clocked out for the time being and suddenly, the boy seemed to realise he was at a _party._ He looked around him. People were everywhere, talking and laughing to each other. And Aliyana was standing uncomfortably close to him, looking at him with a frown on her face. Shit. 

“Listen, we need to talk,” Roman told him. “You need to find a private place. How about… a bathroom? There we can find some privacy at least.” 

Thomas looked at the side in front of him in confusion, trying not to draw too much attention to himself as he was frowning at thin air. Luckily, most people here were probably too drunk to realise it. Then, Thomas seemed to realise what was going on. He nodded and mumbled a weak excuse about feeling sick, before bolting out of the room. He ignored the few people calling out to him as he made his way to the hallway. The bathroom on the ground floor was taken, so Thomas rushed upstairs, making sure no one saw him as he fled into the bathroom there. 

“Okay,” he breathed as the door was locked. “What is going on?” 

“It’s a long story,” Roman said, “but I meant to tell you the Squip is _bad news_.”

“I figured that out myself,” Thomas noted, sitting down on thetoilet. “As soon as it tried to make me sleep with Aliyana.”

“You were just a little late to discover it, buddy.” Roman opened his mouth to continue talking, but he was cut off by Patton who popped up next to him. 

“ _Thomas_ , thank goodness!” the moral side almost yelled as he appeared. “Listen, you need to call Joan and Talyn. You haven’t talked to them in ages! You _need_ to talk to them.” Thomas looked at Patton in confusion. He had no idea what this was coming from and he needed an explanation. 

“Guys, what’s happening? Why are you appearing all of a sudden after _months?_ Where is my Squip? What is going on?”

“Like I said, it’s a long story,” Roman repeated himself. “But the most important thing is that I might have knocked the Squip out and we might have gained back control for an unknown amount of time and we need to figure out a way to get rid of that thing before it comes back!”

“Yeah, I- wait, you knocked it out?” 

“Long story,” the prince replied, holding up his hands. “Let’s focus here, okay?”

“Fine,” Thomas nodded. “What are we going to do?” 

And then, it fell silent in the bathroom. No one knew what they had to do to get rid of the computer forever. Of course, the sides knew that Logan had found a blog, but with Deceit on the side of the Squip, he would not be able to disclose the information. They could not do anything.

“We could…. call Joan and Talyn again,” Patton tried softly, a careful smile appearing on his face. 

“That’s not a bad idea,” a slightly monotonous voice said suddenly. Thomas whipped his head in the direction of the voice and grinned as he saw the logical side standing there. 

“Logan!” He had actually missed the four sides. He had barely seen them in these past months and he was starting to miss their habit of talking to each other, even if they mostly appeared just to help him out with his problems. Logan greeted Thomas with a simple nod as he continued:

“Not only can talking to them help you calm down again, they might be able to help you figure out a way to get rid of the Squip.”

“See?” Patton yelled, startling his companions. “I told you that was a good idea! Let’s call them right now!”

“How will they be able to find anything though?” Thomas wondered looking at the four sides in front of him. He really doubted there would be anything to find online about something like this. 

“A blog.” As soon as Logan spoke up, two pairs of eyes turned to him in panic. A third pair of eyes looked at the scene in confusion. The logical side nodded at the two others, has he continued. “By a Michae-”

The last part of the sentence was cut off by Logan’s own hand covering his mouth. He rolled his eyes in annoyance and just shrugged as the other sides flinches, and Thomas raised his eyebrows in shock and confusion. 

“What- what just happened?”

“That’s a question for another day, buddy,” Roman said with a sheepish smile. “That is not up to us to tell.”

“Let’s just call Joan and Talyn, okay?” Patton insisted all of a sudden. “We need to call them!”

Thomas took out his phone and looked at the device. He knew it was a good idea, and honestly, he wanted to talk to the two more than anything in the world. But it had been months since he’d talked to them, as his Squip had kept him away from them. Would they still want to talk to them? Was it a good plan to call them?

“Please, just call them already,” a fourth voice groaned. Thomas looked up to welcome the final side, only to see Patton clinging on to him like his life depended on it, softly muttering words to his hoodie. When the moral side had released Virgil from his grip, Roman embraced him too. And even Logan hugged Virgil briefly.This whole scene confused Thomas even _more_. He had never seen his four sides interacting like this. What had happened in the mindscape?

“Just call them?” Patton asked. “Please? You can ask questions later, just call them first!” He was practically bouncing up and down, waiting for Thomas to call his friends – _ex_ -friends, maybe. 

“Fine.” The kid unlocked his phone and selected Joan’s contact. He held the phone to his ear and waited for Joan to wake up. 

“Thomas?” a familiar voice asked. It took Thomas everything in his power to not scream or yell. It had been too long since he heard Joan’s voice. “What the hell do you want?” 

Their voice sounded anything but welcoming. It was cold and harsh, so unlike the voice Thomas was used to. But Thomas deserved it, he reasoned. 

“Joan, listen. I need help,” he started hesitantly. “I know I’ve been a jerk to you and Talyn but-”

“Well, that’s an understatement, don’t you think?” Joan snapped in response. “You’ve been ignoring us for _months_. And now you’re coming to me for help? Who the hell do you think you are?” 

“I… I deserve that,” Thomas muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose. Honestly, he had expected it. He knew Joan would not be happy to hear his voice, nor would they welcome him back into their live just like that. But it still hurt. “But please, listen. That was my Squip, okay? I wanted to talk to you, honestly, but it wouldn’t let me. I’m so sorry. You deserve better, I know you do, but it wasn’t my decision. Trust me. I never wanted this to happen.”

Thomas heard a sigh on the other end of the line, followed by a few painful seconds of silence. He expected Joan to hang up on him any minute, but to his surprise, they didn’t. Eventually, they asked him one more question:

“What makes you want to call me? Why now? Wouldn’t your Squip stop you?”

“It’s… it’s turned off,” Thomas said. “But only temporarily. I don’t know what happened, but it’s gone now. I need your help to get rid of it, Joan. I don’t want it anymore.” 

His throat was squeezed shut by emotions. He was so done with the piece of technology that had found its way to his brain. He was done with everything it made him do and he was scared of what would happen next. 

“What’s going on?” Joan asked, their voice softer than before, although there was still a sharp edge to it. “What happened?”

“What _didn’t_ happen?” Thomas asked in reply, his voice strained. “So much happened, Joan. It stopped me from hanging out with you, it stopped me from signing up for the musical. It tried to make me date Aliyana, and tonight, it made me hit on her and I think- I think it may have wanted me to…”

And that was when the whole situation seemed to sink in. The Squip didn’t care about what he wanted, or what he felt. It just wanted to make him popular, no matter what would happen. Even if it meant he had to sleep with every girl in the school. Was it worth it? Was this really worth it?

“What, are you serious?” Joan asked. Their voice seemed to have gotten an octave higher in shock. 

“Why would I make this up?”

“I… don’t know,” Joan whispered softly. “But I swear, if this is some trick your Squip made you do, I’ll find you and-”

“Don’t worry,” Thomas interrupted with a soft chuckle. “It’s not. But… will you help me get rid of it?”

“I… can try,” Joan decided. “What do we need to do?”

“Don’t ask me how I know,” Thomas started to explain to his friend, “but there’s a blog. I don’t remember who made it, just that their first name is… Michael. There could be some useful information on there. 

“What kind of information?”

“I don’t know,” the young boy apologised, “I just know it’s there.”

“That’s cool,” Joan quickly said, “I’ll contact Talyn and we’ll try to find a way, alright?”

“Alright,” Thomas smiled, “thank you, Joan. I don’t deserve this after anything I’ve done to you. But thank you. You’re a great friend.”

“You’re right,” Joan agreed, “you don’t deserve this. But I’m doing it anyways.”

“Thank you so much,” Thomas croaked, “I love you. I- I gotta go now. But thank you so, so much!”

“I- I love you too,” Joan replied, “hang in there, okay? We’ll try to find something.”

“I apologise for what I might do when my Squip comes back,” Thomas said softly, “I really need to leave.”

He said his goodbyes to Joan before ending the call. Tears were silently rolling down his cheeks as he buried his face in his hands. This conversation made him realise how much he feared the future, how much he feared _himself_ and what the Squip would make him do. But he also realised how amazing Joan was. He truly didn’t deserve them as a friend. They should have called him out and screamed at him about how much of an asshole he was. They should have refused to help him and let him clean up the mess he made himself. But instead, they wanted to _help_ him. They wanted to find a way to get rid of his Squip once and for all. He did not deserve Joan as a friend. 

The sides were still there with him, silently listening to the exchange between Thomas and Joan. Now, none of them knew what to say. Patton had wrapped his arms around Roman, burying his face in the prince’s white shirt to hide the tears that stained his own cheeks. He had been so overwhelmed by all of this that he could not hold them back anymore. Roman absentmindedly played with Patton’s hair as he looked at the other sides, shooting them a questioning glance. 

“I think we should go home,” Virgil suggested after a short silence. “It won’t be fun now. Especially with me around-” 

“Virgil,” Roman interrupted so fast he nearly stumbled over his words, “you know you’re not-” 

“Don’t try to spare my feelings, Roman,” Virgil said, “we all know I’m not fun to have at a party. I say we go home before the Squip returns. Who knows what’ll happen with that thing around.”

“That’s a good plan,” Logan agreed. “I think it would be wise to leave before you do something you might regret.”

Thomas nodded as he got up to look in the mirror. His eyes were red and puffy, and his cheeks were tearstained. He couldn’t be seen like this. People would ask _questions._

“Just go downstairs and leave silently,” Roman suggested. “I think most of them are too drunk to even notice you.” 

“You’re right,” Thomas nodded, wiping the last tears away from his cheeks before he unlocked the door. He took a deep breath before he walked away as quickly as possible. He tip-toed down the stairs and towards the front door. The sounds of music and human voices grew louder with every step. He really had to get out of there. As softly as possible, Thomas opened the door before walking away from the party as quickly as he could. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Deceit appears, mentions of weapons/death/violence

As soon as Deceit noticed a change in Thomas’ behaviour, he left his room and appeared in the common rooms a second later, where he immediately saw the Squip, laying on the ground. Unconscious. It seemed to be fading in and out of existence, slightly faltering with every heartbeat. The deceitful side rolled his eyes and sat down next to the computer’s body – if you could even call it that. He knew he couldn’t do anything to counteract the will of the four sides by himself, so he waited for the Squip to wake up and interfere. 

Unfortunately, it took a while before that happened. Thomas was already at home and the four sides were busy explaining everything that had happened to a horrified teen when the computer finally turned on again. Its body grew fully solid again as it slowly sat up, reaching for its head. 

Deceit smirked as the Squip finally came back to life again and he looked away from the screen in front of him. 

“Rise and shine,” he commented smugly as he turned to the supercomputer, who groaned in response as it slowly sat up. “What happened?” 

“Roman,” the Squip grunted, “he-”

“He knocked you out, then?” the deceitful side filled in. “Well, I am _sure_ you put up quite a fight. But don’t worry, it happens to all of us. There is _nothing_ to be ashamed of.” 

The Squip rolled its eyes as it turned to the screen, frowning at the scene it displayed. 

“How long has Thomas been home?” it prompted, suddenly getting up. 

“Well, when you went out, the sides first had a sentimental conversation with Thomas before Virgil made him go home,” the side said. “It’s been a while.”

“And you didn’t stop him?”

“What should I have done? It’s not like I have enough power over Thomas to go against the will of all _four_ of the others,” Deceit protested. “And besides, I don’t know if you noticed, but influencing Thomas’ actions like that is most _certainly_ my area of work.  

“What are they discussing?” the Squip inquired, hardly registering Deceit’s protests as its eyes fixed themselves on the screen.

“No idea,” Deceit admitted as he got up himself. “I tuned it out a while ago.”

The computer looked at the side, narrowing its eyes, as if it was judging the other. 

“What? I don’t _always_ lie,” the deceitful side scoffed, turning his head away from the Squip next to him. “If you want to know what they’re talking about, why don’t you listen to it yourself?”

The Squip scoffed, but didn’t respond as it tried to listen to the conversation between Thomas and his sides. It was difficult to follow, but the supercomputer soon found out that they were discussing- no. That couldn’t be right. The computer turned to Deceit, who answered to this gaze with a sheepish smile. 

“I might have forgotten to mention that Thomas called Joan,” the side said. “And he asked them to find a way to get rid of you.”

“You didn’t stop him?”

“Well, I tried,” Deceit attempted to defend himself, “but I cannot shut Thomas up, and the other sides were too insistent. Besides, I was too busy with making sure Logan didn’t spill any information. I don’t have unlimited power, you know? You should be grateful, because without me, you would have been history already.”

The Squip scoffed again as it looked at the screen, trying to come up with a proper plan on what to do next. After a while, it ordered Deceit to go back to his own room, to keep an eye on the other sides and to make sure Logan didn’t tell the others about the blog he had found. The side reluctantly complied and sank out, leaving the computer on its own in the common rooms. 

When Roman woke up that next day, feeling anything but refreshed, he was displeased to find out that he was unable to leave his room. He could not sink out of there and the door had magically locked itself. With an annoyed grunt, the prince hit the door. His fist collided with the dark wood with a loud bang. He hated this. It was as if the Squip was too cowardly to face him, and just locked him there to avoid a confrontation. As if it could honestly believe that problems would just be solved by locking them away – literally. 

With a groan, Roman sat down on the floor next to his door. He was sure that Patton or Logan would come here soon enough to check on the state of Virgil’s door, so he would be able to inform the others of his own state, he reasoned. The prince unsheathed his sword and absentmindedly looked at the weapon in his hand as he moved it around, the metal of the blade reflecting the vague light of the fairy lights in his room. It was enchanting, almost. Dozens of little lights reflected in the shiny metal of the sword, dancing around on the blade. It was stunning. 

Suddenly, Roman stopped as a thought came up. What if he would be able to break the door with his sword? He immediately dismissed this thought – if a door could magically lock itself, surely, it wouldn’t be so easily broken by a blade – but that didn’t stop him from looking at the door next to him, as if contemplating this option. Maybe he would be able to pry the door open, or to break through the wood. Then, he’d be able to get out and tell that Squip what he thought of this. Would the computer die if it was stabbed by a sword? Or would this weapon not harm it, as it wasn’t a living thing? Would it even be harmed by the weapon? 

Roman knew would never try this, though; his sword was too precious to him and he was scared it would break if he tried to open the door with it. And he knew he would not be able to even come close to the Squip again. But still, it was an entertaining thought. 

After a while, something caught Roman’s attention. On the other side of the door, the prince could hear a voice. It was Patton’s. Roman wasn’t quite sure what the other was saying, but he was sure the moral trait was talking to Virgil. He had probably come here to check on Virgil, like the royal had reasoned earlier.

“Patton,” Roman called out, hoping he was close enough for the other to hear him. “Can you hear me?”

“Roman?” Patton called out. He muttered something to Virgil, followed by the sound of footsteps. “Kiddo, are you in here?”

“Yes,” Roman replied quickly. “It trapped me in here as well. I can’t get out.”

“Oh no,” the paternal side sighed, “this can’t be good. What do we do?”

“Don’t worry about me,” the prince told his friend. “I will be fine, you and Logan should focus on Virgil and Thomas. Joan and Talyn will try to find a way to get rid of the Squip, all you have to do now, is make sure that it doesn’t cross any lines anymore, okay? We’re all going to be fine.”

“You think so?”

“Of course,” Roman said, not just to Patton, but also to himself. “We now know there is a way. Joan and Talyn will just have to find it and they will be able to help Thomas. Trust me, we will get through this.”

“You’re right,” Patton agreed, leaning against the wall a little, trying to process this new information. “Are you sure you will be fine?”

“I’ve been through worse in the mindscape, Patton,” Roman reassured his friend. “I am certain I can survive this confinement. Focus on Virgil and Thomas for now, alright? I have never been better.”

“If you say so,” Patton sighed. 

“Anything wrong, Spectre?” Roman frowned, missing the usual cheer in the moral trait’s voice. 

“No, I’m good, kiddo,” the other responded immediately. “I’m just… thinking.”

“Sounds serious.”

“Yeah.” Patton chuckled softly before continuing. “I guess I’m just… I don’t know. I keep thinking about what will happen next, you know?”

“You’re not alone, Pat,” Roman mumbled softly, leaning his head against the wall behind him as he spoke. “But Joan and Talyn will find the remedy soon. It’s all going to be okay.”

* * *

“What did he say?” Talyn asked as they looked up at their partner. The two of them were sat on the couch in Talyn’s living room, discussing the phone call Joan had received the night before. 

“I’m not going to go over all of that again,” Joan replied, playing with a strand of Talyn’s brightly coloured hair. “I think we should try to find that blog he mentioned.”

“I don’t know, Joan,” Talyn muttered, “in the past few months, he hasn’t even looked at us, it’s like we don’t exist to him anymore! He just ignores us, and now he suddenly calls you in the middle of the night? I don’t know why you are willing to do this for him.”

“When he called, he sounded like he was in distress,” Joan reasoned, looking down at Talyn as they spoke. “I know he has done some bad stuff, but he said his Squip made him do it and-”

“But how are you sure it’s real? Don’t you think it could have been some prank or joke?”

“I thought of that,” the older teen nodded, “but I heard the emotion in his voice. I know Thomas is an actor, but he can’t be _that_ good. I am sure it was genuine. No one can be that convincing.”

Talyn looked at their partner, lost in thought. Sure, they missed Thomas just as much as Joan did – well, maybe not _as much_ , because Joan did love Thomas a lot. They missed Thomas, too, at least. But at the same time, the non-binary teen was afraid that this was all a plan created by the Squip. Were they being too paranoid? Perhaps. Would that stop them from being too paranoid? Probably not. 

“I just want my friend back,” Joan told Talyn. “And to tell him ‘I told you so’, but I mostly just want the old Thomas back.”

Talyn chuckled softly as they rested their head on Joan’s shoulder. Maybe they were right about this whole situation, the younger teen thought. They could always try it. There was no harm in simply googling something, right? They just had to find the blog Thomas briefly mentioned to Joan and they would see if the boy had told them the truth or not. And if they didn’t find anything, that was okay. Thomas would never have to know. 

“Fine,” they finally agreed, “I guess we can try it.” 

Joan nodded and reached for their phone, typing in the words ‘Squip’ and ‘Michael’, hoping to find the blog like this. 

It took a few minutes – and a _lot_ of Google pages – before they finally found it. On page _seven_. 

“I think this is it,” Joan said, clicking the link. A Tumblr blog ran by someone who, according to his description, went by the name of Michael. It took their phone a little while to load the page, but finally, the blog loaded. At first sight, it wouldn’t exactly be the kind of account to post about something like a Squip; with a bad meme as a header and ‘420’ as a blog title, it looked more like a shitpost blog than anything else and for a few moments, Joan doubted that this would be the blog Thomas had mentioned to them. 

But still, the first post to come up was one titled ‘The truth about Squips’. It appeared pretty trustworthy, too. It was quite a long read, with a detailed description of Michael’s own experiences with Squips. Joan turned to Talyn to tell them that they would read the post first. Talyn nodded and turned to their own phone. 

Meanwhile, Joan quickly scanned the page, reading what this ‘Michael’ had written down before turning to their partner to tell them what they had found. There was some strange kind of excitement on their face, mixed with confusion and doubt. 

“Okay so this guy said he went through something similar to us,” they summarised. “His friend had a Squip, turned into a jerk, the usual. But they managed to get rid of it.”

“They did?” Talyn asked, their eyebrows shooting up in eager surprise. “How?”

“Mountain Dew Red.”

“Mountain Dew… Red?” the younger teen repeated slowly. “Don’t you mean _Code_ Red?”

“It doesn’t say that here,” Joan said, “so I would say that, no, I didn’t mean that.”

“I have never heard of that, though,” Talyn mumbled, “are you sure he didn’t make a mistake while making this?”

“No idea.” Joan shook their head as they opened a new tab on their phone. “I’ll Google it.”

They typed in the words and waited for the results to come up. Like the two of them had expected, the majority of the results led to Mountain Dew Code Red instead of what they were actually looking for, but a few results showed them their desired drink. But on a specific site – a Mountain Dew Wikia for crying out loud – they read something that was not exactly encouraging. Joan furrowed their brow as they reread the passage, trying to convince themselves what they had just read, wasn’t true. 

Because Mountain Dew Red had been discontinued in the nineties. 

* * *

“Logan?” The logical side flinched as he heard someone calling out his name. He nearly dropped the book he was currently reading as he looked up to face Patton, who was stood in front of him, toying with the sleeves of the hoodie he had wrapped around his shoulders. 

“What is it, Patton?” Logan asked as he closed the book to face the other side. 

“Roman is locked in his room now, too,” the fatherly trait said, nervously pacing through the room. “Just like Virgil. We are losing control over Thomas, what do we do?”

He was so tense, so stressed, and so unlike himself. Logan couldn’t say he blamed the other, though. He had to admit that this entire situation was stressful and he himself wished for it to be over, too. But it was so weird to see Patton this serious and tense. He would usually try to avoid tension like this by making silly jokes, no matter how stupid they were. But now, there seemed to be no room for anything like that – maybe that was for the best. They were facing a serious problem, after all.

“I… I don’t know, Patton,” Logan had to admit. “I have thought about it, but I am not sure there is something we can do right now. The best we can do, is wait for Joan and Talyn to find the blog.”

“But that might take ages,” Patton protested, “and who knows what could happen in that time? I don’t want the others to go through all of this! I know Roman can handle this, but I’m so worried about Virgil and I… isn’t there anything we can do?”

“With Deceit on the side of the Squip?” the logical side questioned. “I am not sure. We can try, but the two who already tried are now stuck in their rooms and I don’t know if I want to follow them. I do value my ability to roam the mindscape freely. And besides, the others need our help.”

“I know,” Patton called out, sitting down on the couch. “I know, you are right, but… isn’t there anything we can do? Shut it down temporarily? Or-”

“It will just reactivate eventually,” Logan reasoned. “And it will only make matters worse. I know it is difficult, Patton, but maybe it would be best if we just let it happen.”

Patton nodded as he took a few deep breaths. He knew Logan was right. They were unable to do anything without making things worse. They just had to wait until Joan and Talyn found something. And he hated it. He just wanted to do something, waiting around and doing nothing felt so wrong. He just wanted the other two sides to be alright, he just wanted everything to go back to normal. But he also knew that that wouldn’t happen. Not like this. No matter how much he hated it, all they could do, was wait. 


	8. Chapter 8

After a brief discussion, Joan and Talyn had decided to message this Michael-guy. Because no matter what they tried, they could not find anything about Mountain Dew Red. Yet somehow, this kid had managed to acquire it. And they needed to know how he had done it. For a while, the two were afraid that this was a scam, just a stupid joke or ‘just a prank, bro’. It would seem like the perfect blog for it, after all. It fit in with the memes and shitposts he usually posted. But the two had to try it, even if it wouldn’t turn out in their favour. They had to try _something_ , otherwise this battle would be lost before it even started. And the two wanted to help their friend no matter what. Especially Joan; they had known Thomas for much longer than Talyn had and all they really wanted was to get that old Thomas back into their life. 

So, they made a Tumblr-account – because neither of them had one yet – and sent Michael a message, asking him how exactly he found the Mountain Dew Red. Now they just had to wait for a response.

Another day later, Thomas arrived at school, looking everywhere for Aliyana, prompted by his Squip. The Squip had told the boy that the two teenagers had to talk about something and while Thomas was reluctant to follow these orders, he knew he could not refuse. He wanted to, but there was no way he could win an argument with a computer that had been implanted in his brain.  

The Squip told Thomas to go to Aliyana’s locker and the teen complied. He slowly made his way to the girl’s locker, taking as long as he could, despite the computer’s protests. But finally, he saw Aliyana’s long blonde hair and he knew he couldn’t postpone this moment any longer. He took a deep breath and walked up to the girl. 

“Ali,” he greeted her as he leaned against the locker next to hers – that’s what cool kids always do, right? 

“Thomas,” she smiled as she turned her attention to the boy. “Good to see you!”

“Tell her you need to talk about the party.” Thomas mentally rolled his eyes at the Squip’s command, but he didn’t show Aliyana any of his frustrations. She couldn’t know. 

“It’s good to see you too,” he nodded. “We- eh- we need to talk about Saturday.”

“Oh God, did I do something wrong?” Aliyana asked, her eyes growing wider with panic. “I’m sorry, I don’t… remember too much. I am afraid I got a little too drunk. So if I did do anything wrong… I’m sorry.”

“That’s nothing,” Thomas reassured her kindly, “don’t worry about it. I wanted to-”

“Apologize for leaving so abruptly,” the Squip filled in. “You weren’t feeling too well and had to leave.”

“I wanted to apologize,” Thomas continued. “I don’t know if you remember, but there was a moment that we were… _talking_ and I ran away? I just wanted to know that it wasn’t anything you did, I just didn’t… I didn’t feel too well.”

“I think I vaguely remember that,” the girl replied, slowly nodded. “I hope I didn’t get too flirty? All I remember, is that I got really close to you at some point and I think I said something about you being… pretty? I am such a mess, I’m sorry.”

“You’re not!” Thomas protested as Aliyana finally shut her locker. “You’re not a mess.”

“You should have seen me yesterday,” she chuckled in protest. 

“Well, that’s not quite fair, is it?” the boy wondered. “You were probably hungover.”

“That makes me a mess.”

“Well…”

“Come on, don’t tell me you know anyone who isn’t a mess when hungover,” Aliyana teased Thomas. She did have a point there, but Thomas wasn’t planning on giving up. He was about to come up with a witty remark, but unfortunately, his Squip had other plans.

“Tell her that you know her.”

 _“This better not be going where I think it is going_ ,” Thomas thought at his Squip as he smiled at Aliyana and told her what his Squip wanted to. Aliyana playfully rolled her eyes with a small giggle. 

“Fine, I don’t agree with you, but I appreciate your flatteries,” she smiled, nudging Thomas a little. 

“It’s not a flattery if it’s the truth,” Thomas grinned. He would have loved it if this was just friendly banter between a gay dude and his female friend who knew he was gay and would never be romantically interested in her. But Thomas knew his Squip by now. This was much more than just that.  

“Shut up,” Ali chuckled, “but just to be clear, I think you wouldn’t look like a mess yourself when hungover.”

“I wouldn’t be too sure, Ali,” Thomas retorted. “I am a mess all the time.”

“If this is what you call ‘looking like a mess’, I would love to see how great you look when you’re not a mess,” the girl softly said, a careful smile on her face. Thomas looked at her with a smile of his own. God, this girl was adorable, he thought. He hated leading her on like this. He hated pretending to be straight. He hated everything about this. He just wanted it to end and every day he had to wait for that to happen was a day too long. Hopefully, Joan and Talyn would find the remedy to this parasite soon enough, so he could get rid of it once and for all. 

“Thomas?”

“Yes?” Thomas looked at Aliyana, suddenly realising that he was still in public, and not just in his own realm of thoughts. 

“I was thinking… do you want to hang out this afternoon?” she asked tentatively. “We could go back to my place. Or to yours, if you’d prefer that. Or, we… we could just hang out somewhere else, I don’t really… know.”

“Accept it,” the Squip pushed. “Go to your place.”

Thomas was about to comply, but that’s when he realised something. No one would be home. His parents were at work and his brothers either had school until late, or they had their own jobs. The two of them would be home alone. And Thomas knew his Squip by now… it wouldn’t be good. He couldn’t.

“Thomas,” the computer called out, “accept her offer.”

“I don’t…” He had to come up with a good excuse. And he had to hurry, before his Squip _made_ him accept it. 

“Thomas. Accept the damn offer.”

“I can’t hang out today,” Thomas blurted out before the Squip could do anything else. “I… I would go… somewhere with… some other friends of mine. But maybe later?”

“That’s fine,” Aliyana reassured Thomas with a smile. “We can hang out later. I should go now, though. Don’t want to be late.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” the boy said, trying his best to ignore the voice of his Squip. “I’ll see you at lunch?”

“Of course, you will.” Aliyana quickly placed a hand on Thomas’ shoulder before she turned around to go to her classroom. Meanwhile, Thomas rushed to his locker to get his stuff. 

* * *

“Thank goodness,” Patton breathed as he saw how Aliyana walked away from Thomas. Overnight, the four sides had discussed their situation – admittedly, it was quite complicated with half of them being locked in their rooms; it was just a big game of Telephone – and they had come to the conclusion that the two remaining sides had to focus on Thomas. Their job was to keep Thomas safe and they couldn’t guarantee the boy’s safety if only one of them was up against the Squip. It took Virgil a long time to reassure Patton that he would be okay on his own, but eventually, the paternal side gave in. He knew the other sides had a point; Thomas _was_ their priority, but he just refused to leave his best friend alone. Finally, the three sides managed to convince him, and Logan suggested that they would spend as much time together as possible, alternating between their two rooms. It might not be the best plan, because all of the sides had the most power in their own room, and this meant that they would have less power over Thomas than they could have, but Logan reasoned that this would be the most efficient. Because if they were together, they could discuss what to do next and how to fight the Squip’s intention, instead of guessing what would be the best solution. And Patton agreed. 

So that is why the two of them were currently in Logan’s room, trying to turn down Aliyana’s offer. It had taken them a lot of reasoning and effort, but luckily, they managed to convince Thomas to ignore the Squip’s instructions. 

“You know it won’t stop there, Patton,” Logan said softly, glancing over at the side behind him. 

“I know, but just let me have this one victory, Logan,” the moral side whined in reply, looking at the screen to make sure Thomas was going to his locker, and he wouldn’t get distracted by anyone else.

“I just don’t know how long we will be able to keep this up,” the other responded, “we might be able to win a few battles, but that doesn’t mean the war is won. We have no idea how long it will take Joan and Talyn to find out to get rid of it. If they even find a way.”

Patton looked up and studied Logan’s face. Of course, the logical side had read the post Joan and Talyn had already found and he had immediately researched everything he could find about Mountain Dew Red. It was a relief to find there was a way to get rid of the Squip, but he had no idea if it was even possible to find the drink anywhere, as it had been discontinued almost thirty years ago. 

“Logan, are you okay?” the moral side asked carefully, noticing the frown on his friend’s face. 

“Yes, I am,” Logan replied, looking up again with a reassuring smile. “I was just… overthinking something,” 

“Do you want to discuss that topic with me?”

“I would love to, Patton, but I am afraid that it is impossible,” the logical side announced. “The walls have ears.”

Patton nodded, immediately understanding what Logan was referring to. He had to say, he was curious as to what Logan had found on the matter of deactivating a Squip, but he knew he couldn’t figure it out himself. Not now. Not when they had other important matters at hand. Joan and Talyn would find it themselves. For now, he would just have to wait for the answer. Thomas needed them. 

Roman sat in his own room, staring at the ceiling aimlessly. He felt so useless in here, and he hated it so much. Usually, he was the one to safe the day. And while he didn’t mind not being the hero for once, he hated the fact that he was locked in here, while Logan and Patton where out there, battling the Squip. He wanted to do something, _anything_. Anything to fight this feeling of… emptiness he felt right now. The prince slowly got up and he stared at his door, a ridiculous idea forming in his mind. Surely, it was impossible, but he had to try it. He got up and walked as close to the door as he possibly could and called out:

“Virgil? Can you… hear me?” Then, he pressed his ear to the door, trying to hear if there would be a reply or not. 

“Sort of,” a soft voice called out from across the hallway. It was hardly audible, but at least it _was_ audible. Roman felt a sort of relief flooding over him as he realised this. At least he was not fully alone. 

“How are you holding up?” he asked Virgil, hoping that this would work out in their favour. A short silence fell and Roman was about to do a second attempt, when he finally got an answer.

“I can manage,” Virgil replied, “how about you, Princey?”

“I am quite okay,” the prince answered. “Just restless, is all.”

“Yeah, I understand that.” Roman barely heard Virgil’s voice as he spoke, and the creative side couldn’t even imagine how difficult it had to be for Virgil. He knew the other side wasn’t too fond of being trapped somewhere, and he certainly would not enjoy this situation. If only he could do anything to help. 

“I’m sure Joan and Talyn will find something soon enough,” Roman said, trying to reassure the other side, for that was all he could do. He heard Virgil replied, but he could not quite make out the words, so he carefully asked the other to repeat what he had said. The prince leaned against his door, resting his head against the dark wood. 

“I guess you’re right,” the anxious side repeated himself. “I just hate this situation.”

“You’re not the only one, Finding Emo,” Roman agreed, “I wish we could do anything.”

“Me too,” Virgil sighed. With those words, the two sides fell silent. They had no idea how to keep up this conversation. They weren’t even close to each other; they were just yelling at each other from across the hall. They couldn’t see each other, they didn’t know what the other needed. It was difficult to continue talking, no matter how much the two of them wanted to. 

“Listen, I really enjoyed this talk, Starling,” Virgil said, finally breaking the silence. “But I don’t think this is really working, is it?”

“You’re probably right,” the royal sighed, looking down at his feet. “But it was a good try, right?”

“Definitely,” the anxious side responded, and Roman could swear that he heard the hints of a smirk in the other’s voice. 

“Well then…”

“Let’s just hope Patton and Logan find something, right?”

“Yeah,” Roman nodded. “Let’s. And hey, if you need anything… you can always yell at me, alright? I’m not going anywhere so I’ll probably hear you.”

“Noted.”

The two sides continued their exchange for just a little longer before they finally ended it. With a sigh, Roman turned around and slowly made his way back to his couch, allowing himself to fall down onto the cushions. He had nothing to do and he hated it. Sure, he could rewatch all Disney movies for the millionth time, watch bootlegs or read, but he couldn’t do anything of importance. He felt so useless. God, how he hated this. He had nowhere left to go. Unless… 

Would his access to the dreamscape be closed off too with this? Would he be able to go into the dream realm, even when he could not leave his own room? Because even when his influence on Thomas had disappeared, it wouldn’t change anything about his personality and his tasks. Maybe he could still venture into the dreamscape. And if anything, it was worth trying. 

* * *

Later, at lunch, Joan rushed towards Talyn, who had already found an abandoned table, their phone in their hand. 

“Tal, the guy replied,” they breathed as they sat down. Talyn looked up at their partner. There was some expression on their face that the other couldn’t quite place. It could have been excitement, worry, joy? 

“You mean the Michael guy?”

“Yeah.” Talyn’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. Joan’s expression wasn’t exactly clear and they had no idea what to think of this. 

“What did he say?”

“Well… he said that he had some Mountain Dew Red left that he was willing to sell.”

“Really? That’s ama-”

“There’s a catch, though,” Joan interrupted, and suddenly, Talyn understood the expression on their partner’s face. “He lives in New Jersey.”

“New Jersey? That’s a problem,” Talyn frowned. They bit their bottom lip as they thought of a way to get there, because they understood that they _needed_ this. But then, their face lit up as they thought of something. “Actually… I just thought of something.”

“What is it?”

“You have a license, right?” Joan nodded in confusion, waiting for their partner to clarify. “Great, because I was thinking: spring break is coming up. So… we could have a spring break road trip to New Jersey! Should be fun, right? Just you and me, driving to New Jersey to pick up some discontinued soda to save our friend from an evil supercomputer. Sounds good, doesn’t it?”

“It sounds like the perfect way to spend my spring break,” Joan grinned. “But honestly, it’s not a bad idea. Should I message him about it?”

“I think that’s the best idea,” Talyn nodded, “unless we want to be stuck with this Thomas for the rest of our days.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Joan said, reaching for their phone again. “I’ll message him.” 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: none

When Roman opened his eyes, he was in the dreamscape. Everything was just the way he left it behind the last time he was here, and for a moment, he felt relieved to see this. But that relief died away when he noticed something odd. He could not control the mindscape like he could before. He could not change anything, like he could before. He was a mere visitor in this dreamscape; he could not do anything. With a sigh, he walked towards the royal castle, not knowing what he was expecting to find there. Maybe he would find something there to help them in their fight against the Squip; knowledge, a weapon, anything. Anything to help them was enough. He was tired of waiting for Joan and Talyn to find something. The Squip needed to disappear as soon as possible.

It was unsettling how the blue sky never changed. It was slightly cloudy and the clouds occasionally obscured the light of the sun. If Roman could, he would change the sky, make all the clouds disappear. But he could not, for he had no power anymore. Anything could happen and he couldn’t change anything about it. He didn’t like it. His people could be in danger and he wouldn’t know. He only had his sword to defend them with. And while Roman was an experienced swordsman, this was a disquieting thought.

It seemed to take so much longer than usual to reach the royal palace. Roman felt like he hardly progressed. He felt like, no matter how long he walked, he never moved closer to the castle. But nonetheless, the large building eventually appeared on the horizon, and slowly, very slowly, it grew bigger and bigger. But when Roman stopped in front of the royal castle, he noticed something that he thought was more unsettling than anything else he had seen. 

The front gate was locked, with a padlock.

* * *

On the first day of spring break, Joan and Talyn prepared to leave for New Jersey. Michael had responded to Joan’s message quickly and they had managed to arrange a meeting so the two friends could get the drink they needed to save their friend. 

It was about a fifteen-hour drive to New Jersey, so they decided to drive there in two days, pick up the drink and then go back home the day after, where they would be able to prepare the plan and think everything through. It wasn’t an elaborate plan, but it was a plan. It was better than no plan. 

  


The first day, they drove to Richmond, where they spent the night. On the day after, they continued to New Jersey. 

First, the pair dropped off their luggage at the motel, before Joan drove them to the mall where they had agreed to meet Michael and his friend. 

“We are supposed to meet them here?” Talyn asked as they sat down at one of the tables in the mall. 

“Yeah, they said they would come here,” Joan answered, looking around for a sign of the two men they were supposed to meet up with. “Michael told us to look out for someone in a red hoodie and an awkward tall guy.” 

Talyn nodded and scanned the mall for said people. After a few short moments, they locked eyes with an awkward tall guy, his hands buried in his pockets, standing next to him stood someone in a red hoodie. The guy in the hoodie clutched a bag in his hand as he looked the other way. The tall boy nudged his friend and pointed him in the direction of Talyn, who shot them a small smile. The shorter guy waved as he approached the table, his friend following behind him.

“There they come,” Talyn announced softly. Joan turned around and saw the two guys nearing them. 

“So, you are our Floridan customers?” the guy in the red hoodie asked as he sat down next to Talyn. 

“I would say so,” Joan replied. They introduced themselves to the two guys. The one in the red hoodie introduced himself as Michael. The taller guy was called Jeremy.

“So, _Heere_ is your Mountain Dew Red,” Michael grinned as he placed the bag on the table. Jeremy glared at his friend, who just laughed at him. Joan and Talyn shared a confused look, but ignored this, deciding that it was probably an inside joke between the two.

“So, why the interest in this Mountain Dew?” Michael eventually inquired. “Any trouble with… _technology_?”

“Yep,” Joan nodded. “Our best friend got a Squip a few months ago. He called me a while back, as it was deactivated for a while and he told me he didn’t want it anymore. So, we’ve been looking for a remedy ever since. You don’t know how long I’ve had to search for this.”

“Oh, trust me, I know,” Michael chuckled under his breath. Jeremy looked at his friend and smiled, before turning his head to his hands again. 

“So… he just needs to drink this?” Talyn asked as they pulled the bag closer to them. Michael nodded. 

“Yes, just one sip should do it,” he explained, “though it will probably not be easy. His Squip will probably try to prevent you from doing it. And after you do deactivate it… there are some… _complications_. Right, Jer?” He looked over to his tall friend who looked back at him in shock for a few moments. Michael nodded at him, trying to encourage his friend to answer his question. Jeremy hesitated for a few brief moments, but eventually sighed and turned to the two non-binary kids, avoiding their eyes as he spoke 

“What? I mean- yeah,” the awkward boy managed to bring out. “He- he will have to get used to… doing everything on his own again. Not being helped out, but also not- not being judged anymore. It’s…. it’s a weird feeling, but… good. But at the same time, it’s like- it’s like losing a part of yourself – a part of your personality, even. It also hurts like hell for the first few days. And you really have to… adjust to living without a Squip again. it’s a- a weird feeling. It feels empty without it, but… you… you will get used to it eventually.”

“I see,” Talyn said softly. They could see Jeremy wasn’t completely comfortable discussing this subject. They reasoned that he had been through this himself, maybe not even too long ago. “Is there… anything we can do for him?”

“No,” Jeremy answered quickly, “you just need to wait until the headache goes away and then just… give your friend some time to… get used to everything again. Give him some space and don’t make too much of a fuss. Especially not in the first few days.”

They remained silent for a few moments, until Jeremy seemed to remember something and he hesitantly started: “When you have deactivated the Squip, your friend will… black out for a while. You shouldn’t worry about that too much. But you might want to… take him to a hospital. It’s nothing bad, but they will be able to keep an eye on him there. And it’s calmer in there, which he might appreciate. Because, when you wake up, it’s like- it’s like waking up with this huge migraine, but it’s… it’s worse. It’s just… your head hurts, _so_ much. And everything is loud and bright and you feel so empty without your Squip. And you feel like nothing is going to be okay again, because you- you need to do it all alone again. You need to take care of your own issues again and it’s… _you_ again. And that- that can be scary at first. So, you should be there for him but… know when it’s too overwhelming for him. Because it is so overwhelming. And I know- I know I wanted to be alone.

That was quite a lot to take in for the two non-binary teens. Both of them stayed silent for a few moments as they processed all of this information. 

“Geez Jeremy,” Joan brought out after a short silence. “That- that sounds horrible.”

“Yeah,” the tall brunet said with a humourless chuckle as he stared at his hands. “It wasn’t a lot of fun.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Jeremy reassured them, “it was my own fault, wasn’t it?”

“Jer…” Michael started. He placed a hand on Jeremy’s as he looked at the boy next to him. Jeremy didn’t meet the other’s gaze as he replied:

“But it’s true, isn’t it? It was my decision! It was my fault.”

“Jer, don’t be like this,” Michael tried, attempting to meet the other’s gaze. “You didn’t know what would happen, did you? It’s not your fault, trust me. And besides, if you hadn’t done it, they would still be looking for this Mountain Dew, wouldn’t they?”

“I guess…” Jeremy trailed off. It was evident that he wasn’t convinced by the other guy, but they both silently agreed to let it go, leaving an awkward silence hanging. 

“So… I think we should go,” Joan said, reaching for the wallet they kept in their bag. “We still… need to take care of some stuff.”

“Oh, yeah,” Michael nodded, finally tearing his eyes away from Jeremy. Joan got out the money they owed the other.

“Here’s the money,” they smiled as they reached out for it. Michael grabbed the bills and smiled back at them. 

“Thank you,” he said as he got out his own wallet to store the money in. “Good luck with your friend. He’s lucky to have you two.”

“Thanks.” Talyn reached for the small bag containing the soda as they got up. “For this, and your tips, too.”

“No problem,” Michael responded with a smile. “Wait, I will give you guys my phone number, so you can contact us if you run into anything else.”

Joan got out their phone at this announcement and immediately opened a new contact, waiting for Michael to call out his number. And when he did, the teen copied the digits they heard, before unlocking their phone again and storing it in their pocket again. 

“Thank you so much,” they repeated with a careful smile, “for all your help.”

“It’s nothing,” Michael brushed it off, “anything to help you and your friend.”

“We really do appreciate it,” Talyn reassured the two. 

Michael smiled and turned to Jeremy, who looked up at the two teens and nodded with an awkward smile. Joan and Talyn responded with a nod and waved as they slowly walked out. 

On their way back to the motel, Talyn decided to text Thomas. They knew it would likely do nothing to help them, as Thomas hadn’t answered to their previous texts either, but they had to try it. They had to contact Thomas one way or another. 

As expected, they hadn’t received a reply by the end of the day. So, they decided to call. 

* * *

“Talyn’s calling,” Patton observed as he saw the screen of Thomas’ phone lit up. “Do you think it’s about the plan?”

“There’s only one way to find out,” Logan reasoned calmly. “We need him to pick up.”

“How? The Squip won’t let him.”

“Then we minimize its effects,” the logical side bit the inside of his lip as he thought of a plan. Meanwhile, Patton glanced over at the screen, hoping the phone would not stop ringing. “You stay here. I think I have an idea, you try to get Thomas to pick up, okay?”

Patton nodded, but before he could answer, Logan was gone. With a deep breath, the moral side turned back to the screen. 

“Okay Thomas,” he muttered softly, “pick up the phone.”

For a few moments, he continued telling Thomas to pick up the phone, telling him that it might be important. And just when the side started to fear that it would not work, Thomas picked up. As in slow-motion, Patton saw a hand reach out for the phone. He held his breath as the boy brought the phone closer to himself and picked up the call. 

“Hello?” Talyn’s voice was soft and uncertain, but the mere sound of it filled Patton with so much _joy_. He missed his – or… Thomas’ – friends so much and hearing their voices after such a long time was an absolute delight. But he knew they had to be quick. 

“Ask them what’s up, but we don’t have much time,” he rushed as he inched closer to the screen, as if he hoped that would increase his influence on Thomas. He vaguely heard Thomas asking Talyn why they called and the paternal side toyed with the sleeves of the hoodie around his shoulders nervously as he awaited their response. 

“Right,” Talyn replied, “well… we found something. You think we can meet up Monday after school? We can come to your locker or something.”

“Yes!” Patton exclaimed, nearly scaring himself with the volume of his own voice. But really, he didn’t even care. He just was so excited to hear that there might be a cure for their problem. “We need to do it, Thomas! You should tell the-”

But then, his hand clapped over his mouth, muffling any sound he might produce. Patton frowned, but this didn’t stop him from trying to convey his message to Thomas. He kept trying to convince the teen to agree to meet up with his two friends, even though he wasn’t even sure that the kid could hear him like this. It just needed to happen. They had to get rid of the Squip. No matter what he did, Patton couldn’t pry his hand away from his mouth. He started to lose hope that Thomas would ever accept the offer but to his surprise, Thomas still did what Patton wanted. He quickly said that he was okay with it, no matter what he might do that Monday, when the Squip was back in business. He would be fine with it. After that, he quickly ended the phone call, saying that he didn’t have a lot of time. Almost immediately after the call was ended, Logan returned to Patton’s room, adjusting his tie. Patton felt his arm go limp again as the logical side entered the room and he gasped in relief as he saw his friend. 

“There you are!” Patton exclaimed immediately. “I’m sorry, I fell away for a little bit. But everything went well! I don’t know what you did, but it worked out perfectly!”

“I just had to interfere with its ability to communicate orders to Thomas,” the logical side replied. “But what happened? I noticed you faltered. I had to intervene myself.”

“So it was you? That explains a lot,” Patton nodded. “I had a little bit of a… a _communication_ issue. I’m glad you managed to step in, though.”

“I see,” Logan mused to himself. “I must say that it wasn’t easy, though I managed. The Squip won’t be happy with my actions, though.”

“That’s fine,” the paternal trait brushed off quickly, “in just a few days, we won’t have to deal with it anymore! Joan and Talyn have found something and they are going to give it to Thomas on Monday. We just need to make sure Thomas meets them.”

Logan smiled at Patton’s enthusiastic optimism and nodded. He just hoped that they would be able to pull it off. If the past showed anything, it was that the Squip quickly got rid of the two other sides when they got in its way. It had first blocked out Virgil when he kept panicking about the Squip’s decisions, causing Thomas to panic himself. It did the same to Roman after the incident at the party. It wasn’t unlikely that the computer would do the same to him. He just had to make sure that it couldn’t do it to him. Logan wasn’t sure Patton could go up against the supercomputer all by himself. He didn’t doubt Patton’s strength, of course he didn’t, but the Squip was powerful. And with Deceit on his side, no one could be sure what would happen. 

So that meant he would have to stay out of his room. It wasn’t practical, but if it was necessary to preserve his influence on Thomas, surely it would be worth it? He didn’t have to stay in Patton’s room, after all. He could still walk around in the mindscape. It was just his room that was restricted now. Surely, he could find a way to evade the Squip’s powers. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: a little bit of swearing, pain, a little scene in a hospital, one mention of IV, panic attack, let me know if I need to add something!

When Logan had explained his plan to Patton, the other side immediately understood. He told his friend that he would keep an eye out for him as often as he could spare, to make sure that Logan would not be locked in his room as well. 

Most of the next few days, Logan spent in Patton’s room or in the hallway, not far from said room, so he could still communicate with Patton when necessary. It was a perfect plan, really. 

Every now and again, Logan felt a tug at his core when he passed through the hallway, like something was trying to pull him into his room. It was the same feeling he got when Thomas summoned him, only now it wasn’t meant to get him out of the mindscape, it was meant to pull him in even deeper. But with all the effort he could muster, he resisted the pull of his room. He just had to keep it up for a few more days. Then it would all be over.

And soon enough, Monday came. The entire day, Patton was fidgety and on edge. Logan had to admit that he felt the same nerves that Patton was feeling, only he hid it behind his usual façade of apathy. Today would determine their fate and both of the sides knew this, yet neither of them brought it up to the other. The two sides stayed in Patton’s room, keeping an eye on Thomas as the Squip stayed in control all day. And slowly but surely, the day came to an end. Now, it was all or nothing. 

* * *

“Do you have the Mountain Dew?” Talyn asked as they slowly made their way to Thomas’ locker. 

“Of course I do,” Joan nodded, looking around. “I have carried it around all day.”

“Really?” Talyn questioned, looking at their partner. “I didn’t even realise.”

Joan just smirked in response as they saw Thomas waiting near his locker. He was looking around nervously and twitching slightly. His eyes were absent, as if he was having a silent debate with himself. 

“Well, are you ready?” Joan asked, looking down at Talyn. “His Squip might make things difficult for us, so we should prepare for the worst.”

“You’re right,” Talyn agreed. “Should I take the Mountain Dew? I think you’d be better at keeping him down.”

Joan agreed with a soft chuckle and handed their shorter companion the bottle of soda. Talyn carefully hid the bottle and nodded to Joan, signalling that they were ready. Both teens were extremely nervous about what would happen next. This moment would determine if they would get their friend back or not and even though they wouldn’t admit it to the other, both of them feared that they would fail at this. But, with a determined nod, the two slowly stepped closer to their friend. 

Thomas smiled nervously as the two approached. His Squip had been trying to get him to leave the entire time, but his mind was strong. He didn’t know of the battle Patton and Logan were having with the computer, in an attempt to block out the Squip’s orders to Thomas, but he did feel it. It was like a nagging voice in the back of his head, saying things that were too vague for him to understand, but he did sense its presence. 

“I apologise for anything the Squip might make me do,” Thomas blurted out as soon as his friends stopped in front of him. “I’m trying to block it but I don’t know if I can’t.”

“It’s fine,” Joan reassured the boy, “we’ve got a few plans.”

Thomas chuckled softly and nodded. He looked down at his feet as he tried to encourage himself in some way. 

“Good to know.” He ran a hand through his hair and he could vaguely hear the Squip’s voice, telling him to get out of there as soon as possible, but he ignored it. If he could resist its commands, even for a little bit, he would be happy. 

“Do we just… do it now?” Talyn muttered softly, looking around to see if anyone was looking at the trio. “Or do we go somewhere else?”

“We need to do it as quickly as possible. So do it here.” Thomas’ voice was unsure and slightly shaky as he spoke. He noticed the weakness in his voice and he hated it. He just wanted this to be over. 

“Alright.” Talyn nodded and turned around, unscrewing the bottle of soda. When they had finished, they turned around and showed Thomas the bottle. “Our first plan is to have you drink this yourself. Can you do that?”

“I don’t trust myself with it.” Thomas stared at the bottle with wide eyes. He could feel the Squip’s resistance in the back of his mind, but he had to push it away.

“Right,” Talyn noted, looking up at Joan, “plan two it is, then.”

Joan nodded and stepped a little closer to their best friend. 

“I’m really sorry, buddy,” they muttered as they slowly passed Thomas and grabbed his hands carefully. “It’s for the best.”

This is where Thomas heard his Squip muttering something and no matter how he tried to resist, he found himself fighting Joan’s grip on him in an attempt to leave. 

“Why am I doing this?” he asked in confusion, wondering why he was acting like this, and why he couldn’t stop it. “I don’t… want this.”

“We got you, T,” Joan tried to reassure, holding Thomas’ wrists to stop his arms from trashing around. “You ready, Tal?”

“I’ll try.” Talyn took a deep breath and stepped closer to the two struggling teenagers. There were a few students around, watching the scene and Talyn knew they had to be quick. With a few quick steps, they stood in front of Thomas and put the bottle of soda against his lips. The teen then tilted the plastic bottle and made sure the drink actually reached Thomas’ mouth. Now he just had to swallow it. 

Talyn looked at Thomas and saw him quickly swallowing the drink, acting before his Squip could tell him otherwise. When Joan noticed this, they quickly released their friend and watched as he stumbled forwards a little, a hand shooting up to his forehead as he frowned in pain. 

“Thomas?” Joan asked carefully. “Are you…?”

“I’m fine,” Thomas weakly said, trying to manage a smile, “I just… ow.”

After those words, he stumbled to his knees as everything went black.

  


When he opened his eyes, everything was bright. Everything hurt. Thomas groaned softly as he closed his eyes again, protecting himself from the bright lights. He was in a bed, but he instantly knew it wasn’t his own. The mattress was too hard, the pillow too soft and the smell was just _off_. His head hurt so much, it felt like someone was trying to break it by banging a hammer against it repeatedly. And what did he feel in his arm? 

“Thomas?” a voice whispered carefully. “Are you awake?”

The teen hummed in response as he tried to open his eyes again. The lighting was still too bright, but he found that it was manageable if he squinted. Someone had sat down on his bed, shielding him from a few lights as well. Thomas blinked a few times to adjust to his surroundings and when he finally did, he looked at the person in front of him. It was Joan, looking at him with a huge grin. 

“How are you feeling?” they asked, making sure not to raise their voice too much. 

“Like I’ve been run over by a truck,” Thomas groaned, rubbing his forehead. That’s when he noticed the IV in his arm. So _that_ was the sensation he felt. 

“Yeah, that’s what they said you’d feel like,” the non-binary teen nodded. “I’m sorry about the whole… _incident_.”

“Tis fine,” Thomas closed his eyes again, willing the pain to just go away and leave him here. “You did what you had to do.”

“But still…”

“Joan, it’s _fine_.” The boy tried his best to sound firm and stern, but his voice broke a little and he sounded so delicate, so breakable. Joan frowned at their friend, who lay there in his hospital bed. He looked so fragile, so small and so weak. Jeremy had told them it would be bad, but Joan wouldn’t have thought that it would be _this_ bad. They absentmindedly brushed a few strands of hair out of Thomas’ face. 

“You should rest some more,” Joan told their friend, “I’ll be here for a while, okay?”

Thomas nodded and the non-binary teen got up again to sit on the chair next to the bed. They picked up their phone and decided to text Talyn and Thomas’ parents about the boy waking up. It had been two days since they gave him the Mountain Dew Red and the two teens had quickly decided to tell Thomas’ parents about the Squip, thinking it would only be fair that they knew why their son was in the hospital. After that, the four of them had made sure someone was with Thomas at all times, so he would not be alone when he did wake up. That way, someone could keep an eye on him and make sure he was okay. 

Joan quickly sent a message to their partner and their best friend’s parents, notifying them of Thomas’ state and then returned to playing a game on their phone. 

* * *

When Thomas woke up, the mindscape was eerily quiet. All of the sides had passed out along with Thomas and now, they slowly started waking up as well. Logan and Patton were both in the common rooms when it had happened, as they were both trying to pry the Squip away from the screen to make sure that everything went according to plan. 

As soon as he was fully conscious, Logan knew that whatever was going on, was bad. His head felt like it would explode at any minute, he was nauseous and he was so lightheaded, he felt like he wouldn’t even be able to stand up without falling over. 

“Logan, kiddo, are you alright?” Patton’s voice was soft and worried, but it still was too loud for him. The logical side shook his head carefully as he tried to sit up. Even those simple movements hurt like hell. He opened his eyes, but _damn_ the lights were bright. Immediately, Logan closed his eyes again, to protect his sensitive eyes. 

“I… should go to my room,” he announced and he didn’t wait for a response before sinking out. When the side made it to his room, he sighed in relief as he sat down on his couch. He preferred the darkness anyways, so the lights in his room were dim and he was able to turn them off with a simple thought. It was much more convenient than the bright lights in the commons. 

As he could have expected after his sudden leave, Patton followed the logical side to his room, wanting to make sure that he was okay. 

“Lo?” he asked softly, standing a few feet away, afraid to do something wrong. “How are you?”

“Just a- a migraine, I think,” Logan muttered, squinting at the other side, who seemed to not have been affected by the events, as he was still standing there, chipper as always. “Are you not affected?”

“I’m a little dizzy, but that’s it.” Patton made sure to keep his voice low, to protect Logan. “Do you think you will be okay here? I want to see how the others are doing.”

“Go ahead,” the logical side allowed, his voice more vulnerable than Patton had ever heard. The moral trait nodded and wordlessly left the room, sinking into Virgil’s room first. He was delighted to find out that he was able to do this in the first place, but his delight soon died away when he saw Virgil, sitting on the floor, hugging his knees close. 

“Virge?” he called out carefully. The anxious side flinched, as he had not heard the other enter and he looked at his best friend, both relief and pain apparent in his brown eyes. “How are you feeling?”

“Nauseous,” he muttered as the paternal side slowly walked towards him. “Headache. But I can manage. How about you?”

“Don’t worry about me, kiddo,” Patton smiled as he sat down next to his friend, “I’m doing just fine. Do you need anything?”

“A hug would be nice.” Virgil’s voice was soft, as if he didn’t want the other to hear this, but despite this, Patton wrapped his arms around his best friend and held him close. He felt Virgil relax ever so slightly as he hugged him and the two friends sat there in silence. Patton stroked the back of Virgil’s head and rubbed circles on his back to comfort him. 

“The Squip is gone now, right?” Virgil asked after a short silence. 

“I think so, kiddo,” Patton softly responded. “It wasn’t in the common rooms when I woke up, so I think it’s gone.”

“Good.”

The two sides remained like that, frozen in the moment, but Patton remembered soon enough that there was still one side he needed to check on. 

“Virge?” Virgil hummed in response and looked up, waiting for the other side to tell him whatever it was that he wanted to tell. “I still want to see how Roman is doing, is that okay?”

“Yeah, of course,” Virgil nodded while he shifted slightly, so Patton could easily leave to go to Roman’s room. 

“Good,” Patton smiled as he released his best friend from his grip. “I will come back soon, though. Take care of yourself, Virge.”

“Of course, Pat.”

Patton smiled and sank out, leaving Virgil behind as he went to check on Roman.

 The moral side was relieved to see the prince walking around, even if it was clear that he wasn’t fully comfortable. Patton stumbled backwards a little as he appeared in the creative side’s room, slightly dizzy. 

“Patton, there you are!” Roman exclaimed, flinching at his own volume as he reached up to his head instinctively. “I mean- there you are. How are you?”

“I’m fine, just a little dizzy,” the paternal side reassured the prince, “how about you, Roman?”

“I’ve got a horrible headache and I’m incredibly sore,” Roman responded. “But that’s nothing I can’t handle. Have you checked on the others yet?”

“First thing I did,” Patton said, “Virgil’s managing, I think, but Logan is in a bad state. You should stay here too, until you feel better.”

Roman opened his mouth to protest, but Patton gave him that typical Patton-dad-glare that no one could argue with, no matter how hard they tried, and he just hung his head and agreed. 

“Good,” the moral trait nodded, “you need to rest.”  

“I will be fine, Patton,” Roman tried one more time, rubbing his forehead. 

“I know you will,” Patton nodded. “But you need your rest.”

“Sure thing, padre,” the prince muttered. He knew there was no way he could argue with the moral side, so it was useless to even try. And besides, he had to admit that rest _did_ sound good. It sounded fantastic, even. Patton smiled and announced that he would be in the common rooms. He silently made it his job to take care of the other sides until they would feel better again, seeing as he seemed to be the only one who could take care of himself properly. Sure, he was a little dizzy and lightheaded when he sank into someone’s room at first, but it was only temporary and he was fine overall. 

So, for the two days that followed, Patton travelled between the three rooms of his friends, making sure they had everything they needed, and he noticed how they slowly started to feel better. Roman was the first one to leave his room and join Patton in the common rooms for a bit. Later that day, Virgil carefully followed, stepping into the commons for the first time in weeks. He was still not fully back to his usual self, but he was fit enough to walk around and he managed to eat a bite – after Patton insisted on it. 

By the time Thomas was released from the hospital after two days, the worst of the pain was over for all of the sides, even though Logan still suffered from a headache, much like Thomas himself. The logical side slowly returned to his usual self, finally managing the company of the others again, though he was still nauseous and only ate a little bit whenever Patton told him he had to. But even he was recovering and slowly but surely, the headache faded away. 

* * *

Two more days after Thomas had returned to his home, he tried going back to school again. It was weird to not hear the Squip’s presence anymore. As he tried to decide what clothes to wear, he didn’t hear its instructions anymore and for a few moments, he panicked, before remembering that the Squip was gone. Thomas took a few deep breaths and picked out his outfit. He was expecting the Squip to scold him for his choices at any moment and for the second time that morning, the boy had to remind himself that he would not hear that voice anymore. He had finally gotten rid of that nuisance. He should be relieved. But why did it feel so… empty? Vaguely, Thomas heard a whooshing sound next to him, but he didn’t really process it. 

“Kiddo, are you alright?” Thomas startled as he heard his moral side’s voice and looked to the side in bewilderment. “Sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you, I just… how are you feeling?”

“I don’t know, Patton,” the teenager admitted, toying with the hem of his dark red shirt. “It’s just… weird and I feel so…”

“Empty?” Patton filled in when he noticed the kid was struggling to find the right word. Thomas nodded and looked down. “I know what you’re going through, Thomas. I know it is scary and weird, and it will take some getting used to, but we’ll get through it, right?”

“I… I guess.”

“Do you need some words of encouragement?” Thomas looked up at his morality with a thankful smile as he shook his head. 

“Thanks, but I think I can manage,” he answered. “Thank you, though.”

“It’s nothing, kiddo,” Patton said with that contagious grin of his, “we’re going to get through this, together, right?”

“Yeah,” Thomas nodded with a sigh. It was so weird to see his side again. He had really missed them in the past few months. He could have really used a good talk with his sides every now and then. “Together.”

When Thomas arrived at school a little later that morning, he already felt the anxiety bubbling up in his chest when he saw the masses of students in the hallway. For a moment, it was as if he had forgotten how to walk. All those people would be looking at him as he walked towards his locker. They would be judging him. Since he had gotten his Squip, he had gotten more popular and people now _knew_ who he was. They would recognize him; his chance to pass by unnoticed had essentially been taken away. Why did he have to be popular? Why couldn’t he have been content with being a nobody with only a few close friends who he knew loved him for who he was? Why did he think he needed this Squip? 

God, he would give everything to get his Squip back. He knew it was a bad idea, he knew it would only harm him and his sides again, but he didn’t want to do this alone. Walking towards his locker was so terrifying on his own. But he knew he had to learn to do this again. He would be fine. 

The teen grabbed the straps of his backpack as a way of support and walked through the crowded hallways, on his way to his locker. Then, Thomas suddenly realised he was hunching a little. Shit, he had to straighten his back and- no. The boy shook his head, as if it would help him to remember that he did not need to do such things anymore. He was free to do whatever he wanted. There was no Squip to tell him what to do. God, this was going to be difficult. 

When Thomas had reached his locker and gotten the books he would need for his next class, he already noticed Talyn and Joan approaching. The teenager slammed his locker shut and greeted his friends with a smile.

“How are you feeling today?” Talyn asked immediately. Thomas shrugged in response to the question. What was the best way to describe his feelings? He was relieved to have a free will again, but he was scared. It felt wrong, it felt weird, it was frightening. But how could he tell his friends?

“Alright, I think,” Thomas responded, looking up as he noticed a girl from their year whispering to her shorter friend, after which the two erupted in giggles. Were they talking about him? Had he done something wrong? What had people said about him while he was away? 

Joan was about to respond, but they were cut off by a female voice calling out to Thomas. The three teens turned in the direction of the sound and were greeted by Aliyana’s smiling face. 

“Thomas, you’re back!” she smiled. “I was so worried about you! Can I hug you?”

“Of course,” Thomas replied before the girl wrapped her arms around the boy. 

“I am so glad you are back,” Aliyana told him, “I hadn’t heard from you in a while, so I was scared that something bad had happened.”

Thomas took a few deep breaths as he heard this. He had to tell Aliyana the truth about the Squip someday. But not now. It was true that he had avoided answering her texts for the past few days, for he was scared to confront her. He had hoped to avoid her today as well, but unfortunately, that had failed. 

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that,” Thomas apologised as he pulled back from the hug. “I was- I wasn’t feeling too well, so I didn’t really… use my phone all that much. I’m sorry.”

“That’s fine!” Aliyana reassured him. “What happened though? People were saying that you died, or that you ran away or something! And I’m pretty sure I heard someone say you were kidnapped.”

“That’s a… a long story,” the teenage boy said, rubbing the back of his head. “Can I tell you about that later?”

“Of course!” she nodded kindly before she turned to Joan and Talyn with a bright smile. “I don’t think we ever formally met, did we?”

The two non-binary teens shook their heads and the three got acquainted for just a few moments, before the four teens had to hurry off to their class. Thomas’ first class was maths, one he shared with Joan. It was a reassurance to know that he shared this class with at least someone he knew. At least there would be someone to support him.

The four teens agreed to meet each other at lunch before they parted ways and moved on to their classes.  

Thomas stared at the pages in front of him. He had to make these assignments. He knew he had to finish most of this in class. But he couldn’t do it. Normally, his Squip would help him out by giving him the solutions to the problems, but of course, it couldn’t do that now. Thomas would have to figure it all out by himself. He couldn’t do this. He wasn’t good enough for this. He couldn’t do it alone. 

Thomas felt his chest tightening and tears formed in his eyes. His hands started shaking and the words on the papers started to blur. He needed to get out of there and he needed to get out of there immediately. He didn’t even wait to ask his teacher for permission to leave; he just bolted for the door and ran away. To any quiet place he could find. 

“Thomas?” Joan asked quietly. They had followed their friend out of the classroom and into the toilets. Thomas had hidden himself in one of the stalls. Joan heard their friend’s shallow breathing coming from behind the door. “Thomas, can you open the door?”

They heard no response. With growing worry, the teen knocked on the door, softly. 

“Thomas?” After a few more seconds of silence, Joan heard the door unlocking and they immediately pulled the stall door open. They stepped inside the stall and were met by Thomas, throwing his entire weight into his friend. He wrapped his arms around them so tightly, they thought they wouldn’t be able to take in any more oxygen for a few seconds. Joan wrapped their arms around Thomas. He was _trembling_ with anxiety. He sobbed loudly as he buried his face in Joan’s shirt. It broke their heart to see their best friend this broken. The whole Squip affair had really taken a toll on him. If only Thomas had listened to their warnings before taking the pill. He didn’t deserve any of this. 

“Thomas, can you talk to me?” Joan tried. “I’m worried about you, please talk to me.”

“I- I can’t do this.” Thomas’ response broke Joan’s heart even more, but at least he _did_ respond. That was a good sign, they reasoned. As good as it could get, at least. 

“You can’t do what, Thomas?”

“This… school… everything,” Thomas managed to chokeout. He remained silent for a few moments, as if overthinking something. Eventually, he added: “I need… I need Mountain Dew.”

Mountain Dew – that is what had activated the Squip, Joan remembered. That drink was what started this fiasco. Thomas wanted to reactivate his Squip. Of course, they could have seen it coming. Thomas had just lived with the computer for _months_ and to be without it, it had to be scary, weird. Just like Jeremy had told them. But he had to get through this if he ever truly wanted to move on.  

“No,” Joan said sternly. “You don’t. You don’t need that Squip, Thomas. You were a great student before you got it. I know you can do this alone. Do you remember what it made you do?” – they felt Thomas nodding his head –  “And do you really want that to happen again?” – Thomas shook his head – “Exactly. And I know it’s scary and you feel like you’re alone right now, but you’re not. You’ve got me. And Talyn. We’re here for you and we’re going to help you through this. I know you can make it past this, alright? You’ve survived without on your own for so long, you can learn to survive on your own again.”

“But I… I can’t.” Thomas sobbed. “I don’t- I don’t know what to do. I can’t do this. Not alone.”

“You’re not alone,” Joan reminded their friend, rubbing circles on his back. “We’re here for you. You just need to take it slow. Jeremy said it would take a while to move past this, but I know you can do it. Without a Squip. And I know it’s scary, but Talyn and I are here for you, every step of the way.”

“Thank you, Joan,” Thomas mumbled softly. “I… I love you.”

“I love you too.” Joan replied with a smile. 

And the two friends stood there for a while, in a silence that was only interrupted by Thomas’ muffled sobs and uneven breaths. But even those sobs and breaths faded away after a long period of time, leaving the two friends in complete silence. 

After that breakdown, Thomas went back home. It was clear that he couldn’t handle this situation as well as he thought he did and he didn’t want to go back to class after this panic attack. Joan and Talyn agreed to stop by his house after school to tell him about anything he might have missed and to make up for the time they had spent apart in the past few months. 

Even though it was great to know that his friends would support him, Thomas felt so awful and so alone. He felt so broken and hopeless. He knew that it would take work and time to get over this whole Squip-thing. But he would get over it. In time, everything would be fine. Or, so he hoped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: I am not sure if I can upload a chapter next week or the week after, as I have my exams coming up, but I will certainly try my best to post something (: just saying haha


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Anxiety, panic attack, I think that's it

During lunch break, Joan and Talyn found an empty table together, sitting down as they prepared for what they were sure would be a break with the two of them, like the previous months. But soon enough, Aliyana Carwyn approached their table.

“Hey guys!” she said with a kind smile. “It’s fine if I sit here, right?”

“Yeah, of course!” Joan nodded before Talyn could say anything. Aliyana smiled and sat down next to Joan.

“Where is Thomas? I thought we would meet up?”

“Yeah, he- he went home,” Joan explained, glancing over at Talyn quickly as they tried to think of a response that would not give everything away.

“He wasn’t feeling too well,” Talyn helped their partner out. “So he went home early.”

“Ah, I see,” the girl nodded, taking a small bite of her lunch. “Did he say what was going on?”

“No,” the two non-binary teens said simultaneously. Aliyana nodded and quickly dropped the subject, feeling there was nothing more to be said about it. The rest of their break was spent talking about different subjects, just to get to know the other a little bit better. Every once in a while, someone would stop by their table to ask Ali to join them, which the girl politely refused. The other would then glance at Joan and Talyn for one moment, quickly scanning and judging them before turning away again. The two non-binary friends were surprised at how kind Aliyana was. They never knew how sweet she could be.

By the end of their break, the three had exchanged numbers and Joan and Talyn promised to tell Aliyana if they heard anything from Thomas before they all went their own way again.

 

After school, Joan and Talyn drove to Thomas’ house. They walked to the backdoor – which they knew would be unlocked – and let themselves in. The house was eerily quiet. Thomas’ parents were at work and his brothers were off to who-knows-where, but Thomas had to be home.

“Thomas?” Joan called, as they walked into the living room, hoping their friend would respond.

“He might be in his bedroom,” Talyn suggested, already making their way towards the hallway, beckoning for their partner to follow.

“You’re right,” Joan nodded. They followed Talyn to the hallway, up the stairs. The floorboards creaked loudly in the quiet home and it made the two cringe. Finally, they stopped in front of the door to Thomas’ bedroom. Carefully, Talyn placed their hand on the doorknob and softly pushed the door open, looking inside. There, they saw Thomas, on his bed. He hugged his pillow close as he lay on top of his blankets. However, he was awake and when his door opened, he lifted his head to look at his friends.

“Hey guys,” he muttered softly as his two friends walked in. He moved to sit up, still hugging his pillow close for comfort. “Sorry I didn’t come down, I just-”

“It’s fine,” Joan said gently, cutting their friend off. “How are you feeling?”

Thomas just shrugged as his two friends sat down on his bed. He looked at the floor absently. He honestly had no idea. Everything had been such a mess lately, and he felt like he couldn’t function like he used to. It was just so confusing and it felt wrong. He was constantly scared of doing something wrong, even if he knew there was nothing to fear. He constantly waited for his Squip to criticize him, to make him do something he knew he would regret. It felt so empty and it was so difficult to adapt to this new situation. He didn’t really want to talk about it. It didn’t feel right. He just… didn’t want to have to worry.

“Look guys, I appreciate you coming here,” Thomas said finally, “but can we just... watch a movie or something? That's easier on me for now. All this talk is just freaking me out.”

“Sure,” Joan nodded, reaching for their phone as they did so. “Let me text Aliyana first.”

“Aliyana?” Thomas frowned.

"Oh yeah, she came up to us earlier today, asking about you. She said she was worried about you."

“She did?” the teenager asked, a slight smile spreading on his face. “Aw she's great.” His smile quickly faded away as he realised a minor detail that he had forgotten about. He groaned softly as he rested his head in his hands. “And she's still my girlfriend. Oh no, I have to break up with her. I have to tell her everything and- oh no, she'll hate me and-”

“Thomas, it’s fine, okay?” Talyn tried to comfort their friend, grabbing his hand. “You don't have to do it alone, if you don't want to. Joan and I will be there for you. It's going to be fine, but you should tell her soon. It's going to be okay, just calm down, okay? How about that movie?"

Thomas looked up at his friend and nodded with a vague smile. He was so lucky to have these amazing friends that supported him and helped him, even after all the horrible things he did to them. He carefully got up, quickly followed by his two friends, and they made their way downstairs.

 

It felt so good to have his friends around again. To finally be alone with them and not worry about his behaviour. This didn’t mean that he didn’t worry about his Squip, though. He still expected to be told off for something he said, or something he did. But knowing that everything would be fine eventually was a comfort he didn’t have before. And holding on to this small comfort, was good enough. It made it easier for him to hold on.

 

A few days later, Thomas decided he had to go back to school. He dreaded it, but he had to go back some time. He couldn’t stay home for ever, no matter how tempting that might sound. His parents started asking questions, too. He couldn’t continue to pretend to be ill. So, on one morning, he managed to drag himself out of bed again and got dressed. When he went downstairs, he found out that his parents were both about to leave for their work. The teen quickly told them that he was planning on going back to school again that day. Both his parents nodded in agreement and his mother pressed a quick kiss to her son’s forehead before they left, wishing him a good day at school. Thomas nodded with a serene smile as he watched his parents walk out of the house. He slowly ate his breakfast, trying to put off leaving for as long as he could. In reality, he didn’t want to go to school. He didn’t want to have to do all of it alone again, he didn’t want to see the judging gazes of his peers, he didn’t want to have to see Aliyana, because he knew it meant he had to break up with her. And breaking up with her meant he would have to explain what had happened over the past few months, and that was what Thomas feared most of all. Aliyana would hate him for leading her on. She would never want to look at him again and he would lose her as a friend. Everyone would hate him. They would still stare at him, but now they wouldn’t be staring at him because he was ‘popular’, but because he had the audacity to break Aliyana Carwyn’s heart. And he wasn’t sure which one of those two things would be worse.

 

When Thomas had finished his breakfast, he got up and prepared for school. He really couldn’t put it off any longer now. He would just have to roll with it. Conveniently, his brothers were nowhere to be seen. It was almost as if the author didn’t know how to involve them in this morning ritual. But that was fine, it gave Thomas time to prepare himself without worrying too much about what his relatives would think, saving him a lot of stress. He had enough to stress about already.

 

That entire day, Thomas attempted to avoid Aliyana as much as possible. And he was doing a relatively good job at it, too. Until lunch break came around. He was sitting at a table with Joan and Talyn, talking about what he had missed at school, when Ali approached the three of them, greeting the trio with her usual cheer. As soon as Aliyana sat down, next to Thomas, Joan shot him _a look_. Thomas immediately knew what this look meant. Joan tried to encourage Thomas to talk about the Squip affair, knowing that their friend would not start about it on his own accord. The boy sighed and bit his lip, looking down at his lunch.

“Thomas?” Aliyana asked, causing Thomas to look up into her blue eyes, filled with worry. “Are you alright.”

“Well…” Thomas hesitated, looking at Joan for a few moments. They nodded their head a little, encouraging Thomas to continue. Finally, the teen sighed and turned back to his girlfriend – he still couldn’t believe himself; why did _he_ have a girlfriend? “I… there’s something I need to tell you. And you’ll probably think I’m crazy, but… it’s true and… you deserve to know.”

“O… kay.” Aliyana said, waiting for the teen to continue. Thomas didn’t meet her gaze as he softly explained everything she needed to know about the Squip, stopping every once in a while, to gather his courage again. Conveniently, he forgot to mention the fact that the Squip was the reason he went out with her.

“I see,” the girl nodded. Thomas braced himself for whatever response would follow, but instead of lashing out, she just smiled. “Well, that is fine! You’re still you, right?”

“I… I guess,” Thomas muttered, running his hands through his hair. He noticed his heartbeat gradually speeding up, his vision getting blurry. He knew he had to break up with Aliyana, come out to her, he knew he couldn’t keep going like this, but he was so scared. Ali was so great, so sweet and so amazing. Thomas didn’t want to lose her.

“I…” He had to tell her. And he had to do it now. “I….” He couldn’t put it off any longer. It was now or never. “I… I have to go.”

And before anyone could protest, Thomas got up and ran out of the cafeteria.  

 

“Thomas!” He heard a female voice calling out to him. It was Aliyana, he’d recognize her voice anywhere. He almost halted to meet her, but the thought of the conversation he’d have to have with her, kept him going. “Thomas, please wait!”

The boy turned a corner, nearly tripping over his own feet at he did so. His plan was to go to the bathroom, where he could at least get some sort of privacy, but Aliyana caught up with him before he could.

“Thomas,” she panted as she finally managed to stop him. “What’s up? Are you… okay?”

“Ali…” he muttered, looking down at his feet. “I’m- I’m so sorry, I…”

“Sorry for what?” the girl asked, placing a hand on Thomas’ shoulder. “The… Squip thing? That’s fine! There’s nothing for you to be sorry about, you couldn’t know!”

“That… that’s not it,” Thomas managed to get out, his voice strained. It took him so much effort to pronounce those few words. “It’s… I can’t… it made me…”

“Take your time,” Aliyana softly said, her voice kind and warm. “Deep breaths, Thomas. You can do this.”

Thomas nodded and tried to calm down his breathing. He tried his best, but it was so difficult.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated after a while, still not looking at the girl in front of him. “It made me… I’m gay. I didn’t- I didn’t want to… lead you on like this but… it made me and- I’m sorry, you’ll probably hate me now, but…”

“Hey, hey, calm down,” the girl cooed, wrapping her arms around Thomas, who was now shaking and panicking more than before. Thomas had no idea how she reacted to this news, but the hug felt good, yet wrong. “It’s okay. It’s okay, really.”

“Don’t- don’t you… hate me by now?” Thomas asked softly, not believing that the girl would be so cool after this news. “I- I thought…”

“Of course not,” Aliyana reassured her… friend, by now. “I could never hurt you. And it wasn’t your own doing, right? Then how could I hate you?”

“I… I just-”

“Calm down, honey,” the girl repeated, pulling Thomas a little bit closer as she softly spoke. “I am not upset. It will take a little more than that to get rid of me. If you are fine with that, of course.”

“I am,” Thomas muttered, a vague smile appearing on his face, despite his panicking. Aliyana truly was too good for him. And if she didn’t mean these words, at least she was a terrific actress. With a sigh, Thomas rested his head on her shoulder, enjoying the comfort of her embrace.

“Well, then you’re stuck with me for a while, Thomas,” Aliyana smiled. “I’m so glad you told me this. I’m sure it must have been difficult for you to tell me this. I’m really proud of you. You’re doing great.”

“Thanks Ali,” Thomas said softly, his voice muffled. “You’re great.”

“It’s nothing,” she replied. “I’m always here for you. I understand that it might be difficult for you, but I’m still here, okay? Squip or not, I still love you. You’re a great person, Thomas, and any guy would be lucky to have you.”

“Thank you,” he repeated. God, he loved Ali so much. This could have been so much worse and even though his breathing was still irregular, and his hands still shaking, he felt so much calmer, knowing that Aliyana was still there for him. Even when he had played this act with her for so long. She didn’t lash out. She didn’t call him out. She didn’t even focus on it, because she saw how bad Thomas felt and how much it bothered him. No, she saw he needed someone to comfort him and knew she had to be the one to offer this comfort. She was truly the best. “I love you.”


End file.
